The Proverbs 31 Journey

New Dawn

2010-09-12T16:57:00.002-05:00

Wow! What a year?! It is official I am a free woman in so many ways. Last summer I found freedom in Jesus' blood. Praise God that His Blood is sufficient. His mercy is everlasting. God is a very faithful God.

I will start blogging some again. And continue on my journey. I still strive to be the woman God created me to be and to fully walk in the gifting God has given me. It is such a blessing know that through it all God never turned His back on me, never forsaken me. God/Jesus/Holy Spirit has walked with me every step of the way. Condemnation and shame are gone!!!!!!!!

Now where will the journey lead? I do know in 1995 God told me to stay single there was something He wanted me to do. Not sure if that door is still open, yet time will tell where He leadeth me. Dawn

Blog Ending

2009-10-24T17:08:00.002-05:00

For several reasons this blog will be ended. First way to much time has passed since my last blog. And most importantly- a woman getting a divorce is not on the Proverbs 31 Journey. That might be a bit inaccurate, I am still on the journey, just not one that should be followed. Any posting I may do from this time forward will be on my Crazy Chocolate Mama blog.

Where am I?

2008-12-18T00:20:00.002-06:00

I have not been very active lately. I have been doing a good job of staying away from the computer!!! We are not getting ready for another Wyoming trip. Lord willing Monday we will be loading up and arrive there before everything closes. Last time we went at this time of the year we arrived before everything closed. But we did not think about the stores closing early, so we went about doing some unloading, visiting, finally the girls were getting quit hungry. We headed back into town to find everything closed. We had to eat junk food from a gas station and thankful the next day we were able to eat at a relative's of my husbands. God provided. So who knows what this year's story will be.

These trips really are one of God's ways to teach me to trust Him. I was raised to have every detail planned before you leave the house. Right down to what I will wear every day, how much lotion, shampoo I will need, etc. Well when we go to WY, I know nothing until it happens. That is right I have no idea where we will sleep (yep, we take bedding-it just might be a tent and out house). Every trip is different and unique in it's own way. Oh, the stories...

One of my favorite. Two summer's ago-2007? I believe it was spring, where in the foothills of the mountains it still could get to be 40's or cooler. We were getting ready to head home, tired, lots of work yet to do to pack things up and the long drive afterward, with no place to stay and not enough cash to spend another night at a motel. Maybe it was 2006, anyway. We used bedding from the yard sale things to made beds. A tarp over our heads in case it rained, right there under the stars feeling the cool night breeze. I had a hard time falling asleep, I just keep staring at the stars. If someone told me my most romantic memory would be under those circumstances I would have laughed them off. Sleeping under God's stars and watching His power and beauty as I drifted off to sleep made all the unpleasant circumstances seem like nothing.

So as I prepare (mentally) for the upcoming trip I wonder what wonders does God have in store for this trip?

Have you Ever?

2008-12-01T19:59:00.004-06:00

This is going around and thought it would be a easy blog post.
You BOLD the ones you HAVE done.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang/played a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea -Not at sea by on a Fourth of July, the most spectacular display I have ever seen.
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch--plastic canvas
15. Adopted a child--I am adopted and I put a child up for adoption
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David in person
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Gotten flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt--two squares
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone---x3
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating--need to edit here-I have killed fish, but have watched my family gut and prepare a pig and lots of fish, one of these days I believe I am going to be expected to gut my own fish
89. Saved someone’s life...by leading them to the Lord, and therefore having eternal life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Made a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

Now if you do this let me know so I can visit yours, I have copied this from Apples of Gold.

Thanksgiving!

2008-11-28T22:26:00.003-06:00

What a wonderful day, Thanksgiving! I believe this year was the best Thanksgiving I have ever enjoyed.

Now from the outside looking in one may really wonder why. It was sad having so many faces gone from the table. Yes, that brought tears.

But I stopped and started to count my blessings. And the list was very different than in years past. In the past my blessings had more to do with things and situations. This year I really did not care about any of the things I have. There was such a peace, calmness.

You see in past years I would be so stressed to get the meal done on time, everything perfect, wanting the food to all be done at one time etc. What a mess. This year I, no we (our 7 yr. old enjoyed cooking right alone side me) took things one dish at a time, it was such a joy and so peaceful.

In the evening as I deboned the turkey, I sat there wondering why this year was so different and such a wonderful different. I discovered how my relationship with Jesus has changed so much inside. I now have peace-true peace. And knowing where true hope lies. That raging rush of tense stress and perfection that can never be is gone. I realize I will never reach perfection, I am human.

True salvation and a true realization of who God really is. Knowing that the debt I can never pay has been paid. Knowing that who I am, is in Jesus Christ. I have known that-head knowledge. Praise God it has come to heart knowledge. God has been so faithful to keep working with me, He has never given up on me. Teaching me to trust believe on my Lord Jesus Christ. And knowing that my Hope lies in Jesus' return.

God has given me such wonderful spiritual blessings. What more could I want. Dawn

Why do people go to counseling?

2008-11-21T08:25:00.005-06:00

Why do people want counseling? The world is looking for someone to say what they are doing is ok/ not sin. Most issues mentally/physically are rooted in sin. (I want to remove the most- yet I must remember Job, so I cannot). It is amazing how sick a person can make themselves when out of a right relationship with God.

What does the Bible tell us to do? Cast all our cares upon Jesus? Carry everything to the Lord. In all things with prayer and supplication. Thanksgiving unto the Lord.

I see scripture pointing man to God in the time of help, need, question. Did not God make me? Did not God know all things as I was in my mother's womb? Does not God know all things?

I know many people out there believe in Biblical Counseling. As does a radio show I like to listen to Return to the Word. I personally do not know anyone who has tried Biblical Counseling and had positive results. I do believe Return to the Word has seen some counseling do good. I also believe they believe in pointing the person to Christ/God for answers.

There have been times I have wanted to just run to someone, tell them my problem(s) so they can help me 'work' through them. God is so wonderful. God has shown me how and why this is the wrong way of doing things.

1. This is one way rumors start. Remember the only one who can be trusted 100% all the time is God. And what about those prayer requests we hear in church? So many times they really are just a form a gossip in the name of a prayer request. There are so many verses in Proverbs regarding the words/mouth. Many refer to talking to much is the same as a fool. Not a comforting thought. Yet, counselor's encourage talking things out. Many times we need to spend more time in the Scripture and in prayer.
2. God is my counselor. Isaiah 9:6 With God as my counselor I am getting truly what I need to hear. Gods word-The Holy Bible is the best counseling a person can receive.
3. My Jehovah azar (The Lord my Helper-Psalm 30:10). Learning to allow God be the one helping me has helped to learn patience. I person running from place to place looking for answers is not a very patient person, nor one at peace.
4. Is not God El Qana (The Jealous God-Exodus 34:14)? God has shown me that He wants to be my all in all, my Everything. Why should I be looking to others (who can and will fail me) for my answers in life.
5. And Elohim Yakol (The God who is Able-Daniel 3:17). This has been an interesting lesson as God revealed himself to me as being Able. Don't most who are raised in the 'church' taught that God has power and is able. Yet how many of us truly believe this? I remember reading and praying 2 Ephesians prayers (Eph. 1:15-31 and Eph. 3:17-21) many times a day for a couple months. Meditating and asking God to show me what the words truly meant. Ephesians 3:20 "Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us," God took the time necessary to show me just how able He is of taking care of me.
6. Jehovah-Jireh (The Lord will Provide-Genesis 22:14) This was specifically a hard lesson. As American's in a prosperous nation we do not have much in the way of a true need. God had to take us as a family through some financial need. I was taught all my life, if you follow this such and such a plan you will have no needs. Fine and true. But it never taught me to rely on God as my provider.
7. Rumn Ro'sh (The One who lifts my head Psalm 3:3) The lesson learning here has gone a bit with the Jehovah-Jireh lesson. Learning that every breath I take is of God. I will only take my next breath if God allows it. God is the One who keeps me up right. Not by any strength of my own. Remember the song Read your Bible pray every day and you will grow grow grow. I can think back to the times I experimented with this. Seeing just how many days I could go without and how things went. It really is true on must be in the Word of God daily and in consent prayer.
8. Olam Zerowa (The Everlasting Arms- Deuteronomy 33:26-29) This has been a favorite. God has shown me how He loves me so much-His arms are there to care and hold me. God is truly amazing.
9. Cether (My Hiding Place-Psalm 32:7) I have so enjoyed being able to hide in my God, such security. Psalms 91 was the scripture God used to help me understand how I can hide in Him, His protection. I am not even talking about need for physical protection. We all have times in our lives that we need/want our emotions to be protected. What great freedom knowing that God can and will take care of my emotional protection.
10. Chyahlooth (My Strength-Psalm 22:19) Learning to allow God to be my strength in the time of need has been quit a struggle. Having been raised as a liberal woman. Not doing things in my power/strength can be quit a battle with the Lord.

So why does man go to man for answers/help mostly they I want a human to tell them the way of the world is ok and or want someone to take pity, feel sorry for me. You know looking for justification for their ways. What we really need to do is learn to rely 100% upon God first. Give God time. It just might happen to be that God wants us to learn to wait upon Him.

I also want to add, after God, we as wives are to go to our husbands to learn, ask questions. And whom we as wives talk to after that needs to be in agreement with our husbands-they are our head. Dawn

Me a Rib?

2008-11-20T22:48:00.004-06:00

Oh, if we were talking about being a Famous Daves rib. I could pass, plumb, plenty of fat for flavor. But no. The next Wife's Biblical submission lesson is about the Wife being the Husband's rib.

What a responsibility. One I must say up front I have failed at it 100%. Well in the beginning I did better, maybe 25%. I do not know only God and my husband could really say. I do know how it all spiraled down.

I trust no man. I was going to go into great detail how I have been hurt by men since conception. But I must face the truth I run men off. It is called self preservation. If I chase them off it is easier to deal with than if they just leave. Ohhhh, there is that word again (root word).

Selfishness.

Yep! That is what started it all. So other than to say. Read the lessons. Heed the instruction. Read this list of 10 ways to lose your domestic happiness. And to any woman that loves to talk (are you laughing because I am) say nothing to your husband that you have not prayed in depth about. I mean it. Take it from a woman who has spent more time being injurious to my husband than what God meant. You may need to keep your mouth shut for days. I believe the scripture is, better to live on the house top than with a __________ wife. (Purposely left empty). Dawn

Adoption is the same as abortion- Murder!

2008-11-20T19:39:00.003-06:00

My heart hurts every time I hear a person happy to break up other families. Yes, that is what adoption is-destroying families. I was just reading a blog post. from a lady that is over joyed about adoption.

For years I have wanted to go about public speaking as to the evils of adoption. I see so many people twisting scripture to find/see that God's adoption is the same as earthly adoption. The difference is God's is a covenant. A covenant is a contract between God and a man. Adoption is a man-man relationship.

God gave that child to it's biological parents, if God wanted that child to be with adopted parents he would just have allowed them to physically conceive that child.

I should mention I am adopted, at 23 days old my adopted parents took me to their house. People thought since they were a pastor and wife married for 10 years, both being second generation 'christians' (and my mom was a preacher's kid herself) that it was wonderful. I was so blessed. Joke on me. They, like all of the adopted parents I have met over the years do it for themselves. People look at how adoptive parents are saving a child. Oh, how sad. The child's best interests have never been thought of. What about saving the parents of that child?

Oh, did you say something about crack babies, and babies born drunk because of parents that can't stay clean. Are not the souls of these parents just as valuable as the soul of the baby? Should not we do more to help those that need salvation? Wouldn't there be less 'unwanted' pregnancies then?

Lets think back a few generations. Adoptions were very private, done is such a way that no one was to know that it happened. Save the embarrassment of a child out of wedlock, rape, molestation etc. Lets, hide the sin involved. Let's embrace bailing out people that are in over their head. (Sound familiar-our country is still in this business-can you see the downward spiral yet).

Oh, did someone mention about the 3rd world countries that abandon their children at orphanages and the children that tend to die there because no one wants them.

Another hard situation. Why did God allow those children to be born? Only God knows the answers. He has a reason why He allows each one of us to be born to the biological parents He gives us.

When we turn to adoption we are telling God that we know better than He does. We know who is a better parent. We know who should have what and when.

I guess this would be a good place to mention that I got pregnant in 1993 to my eldest son (will be 15 in Dec.) while sowing my oats, married to one man yet pregnant with another man's child. Busted! I knew that was not the life style I wanted my child raised in. So, I ran back to my adopted parents. Well this post explains in a bit more detail my battle with the Lord at this point in my life.

Praise God that God knew what was best. Getting pregnant and having to raise my son was the best thing that could have happened to me. You see my adoptive parents did their best to get the adoption done. God would not have it and He stopped it. Praise God! The problem-I still did not have faith in God I continued to have faith in man/adoptive parents.

I am one who learns hard, got pregnant by a third man gave birth to another son in 1995. (Again not looking to God to take care of me-telling Him I know what is best and again looking to man for my answers.) And this time the adoption went through. Again I listened to man/pastor/dad believed all the lies they filled my head with. Not listening to God or looking to God to give me what I needed to become a godly mom. There was no one (earthly) who cared enough about the child or me to see that with God all things are possible. Everyone forgot that God is the one who is known for taking the bad we do and turn it into something Good. Everyone around figured that Adoption was God's way of turning the 'bad' in to something good. Oh, we of little faith. So much I could have learned if only I was willing to have faith in God rather than man.

Adoption has been one of the many reasons America is in the shape it is in. Allowing it's people to not take responsibility for their actions. Even in third world countries. By the governments allowing children to be abandoned is also the government shirking responsibility. Not caring about the value of a human life.

Praise God I know He is my El Nathan N'Qamah (The God who Avenges Me-Psalms 18:47) and my El G'moolah (The LORD, God of Recompense-Jer. 51:56). I know I will be judged for my ways. I have to live daily with the consequences of my sins. Yes, God forgives. Praise God for that. If He didn't where would be the hope? I know that my God is a gracious God, merciful, slow to anger. He keeps giving me chances to do the right thing-His will-His way.

Submission?! Do I really have to?

2008-11-07T14:05:00.002-06:00

YES!!!

For most of my life I thought I was submitting to God. Well the joke was on me. I was so deceived. Over the last few years God has been working on tearing me down so that I would have no other choice but to submit. Now that sounds terrible. At times I sure thought it was. Now that I can look back a bit I see how it really worked.

Now would be a good time to mention that if a woman cannot submit to her husband she will not be able to submit to God.

I can remember God working on me with this when I got pregnant with my son. I trusted only in people that raised me, not God. When they told me to put him up for adoption I knew God was saying NO! Yet, I had never in my life taking a step of faith (at the time I called it taking a risk-which they had taught me not to do). God saw to it that my son came home. Praise God! What a blessing and a joy. But God did not stop there, He kept working on teaching me to listen to Him-Submit to Him. He told me to move out. I was working full time, single mom. They had me convinced I just could not do it. The lure of having nice new things was also there. I did not want to have my son have used things. So again I chose to follow them and what I wanted, not God. God is so faithful He did not give up on me.

So many conflicts with raising my son. By the time he was 9 months old I knew I had lost him. My adopted mom really was his mom. I was more like the grandma that came home played with him and did my own thing. I freaked out, God told me again to get out of dodge. I even had a job offer 1 1/2 hours away from them. They showed me how I couldn't afford to do it with out them, so again I refused to take a step of faith and submit to God.

Situation after situation I can recall God giving me to obey Him. All the time claiming to be a 'christian' yet I was only a lip service person. April 1999 a man and his 4 boys moved into the apartment complex I lived and managed. I do love God's humor. We really got together for all the wrong reasons. (That is an entry all it self I should do some time).

All this time July, 1993 to April, 1999 God was working on me and my behaviors. I can remember telling God, when I have to change I will. No problem. LOL Again the joke was on me. this man is a godly man. His wisdom confounds me. He many not know the shortest-verse, chapter, book, of the Bible and ext. But he understands how to apply scripture and how to follow scripture. Not just a follower by lip but a doer. Well this is what it has taken for be to get to this point. There has been alot that has happened in my marriage that I am not willing at this time in my life to write about that has lead to this time in my life. It really is all the same story just different details.

About my son. The wrong decision-the not submitting unto God all of those years lead up to my son being taken from my care. He now lives with my adoptive parents and is just as brainwashed as I was at that age. Be certain that your not submitting unto God will have consequences-and those consequences will affect others.

As I read the introduction lesson I was still fighting God. I did not want to just give in. I thought of quitting, this is more than our marriage can handle. We have enough problems with out this. Don't you like my excuses?

This is my note I wrote on the back of my printed-out lesson.

For some time God has been showing me how wicked I am. No matter how 'good' I try to be. I do see how I have been forgetting the last part of the verses"and lead me in the way everlasting." Ps. 139:23-24 and "O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer." Ps. 19:14 I have been trying to keep my words not allowing God's strength to be my guide.

The verse endings give me HOPE that it will all work out.

Finishing lesson 1 I wrote the following prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

I am going to accept the fact that my husband is the head. I am going to willingly follow him blindly (even when I don't feel like it) with a joyful heart and thanksgiving for the husband you have given me. I am going to esteem my husband better than me. His needs and desires over mine. I am going to submit lovingly-willingly-blindly- not looking for self gain. Not looking for payback or to be treated my way. But to accept what does come. In Jesus Name Amen.

What an emotional night it was for me. I have said all of those things before, yet there was a difference this time. I meant it and was giving up my will. Now all said and done, there has not been a testing of this change. I know it will come. And I continually praying that I do things God's way.

It has been a hard marriages simply because I have never been willing to give in. There have been times, yet I was not totally giving in. I did feel something in my spirit break that evening and I have had quit a bit of peace in my soul since that evening. Dawn

Voting!?

2008-11-05T06:58:00.003-06:00

Last night as I went to sleep I knew I was deleting yesterdays post on voting to something similar I read this AM. So I am going to follow her guidelines and here it goes.

MY THOUGHTS ON THIS YEAR'S ELECTION RESULTS:

Yesterday we were so excited about having had the freedom to vote. We felt like celebrating so the girls and I made a apricot cake. I felt almost like it was going to be my last time being able to vote. To me this election has been the beginning to the end.

Not wanting to know the truth I refused to turn the TV on until after I put the girls to bed. Only to turn the TV on during McCain's speech. Oh, how my heart sunk, it ached. Then my thoughts turned to if it pains me this much how does God feel for the President a nation once based on His values must feel. I also learned that the ban on abortion did not pass again. I tried watching some more only wanting to spend time with my Heavenly Father. So, off went the TV and on my knees.

What lay's ahead for America only God knows. I have my speculations. We have been studying the Kings with home school. So fitting that this election happened during this part of SOW. From what we have been learning America is going to fall, America is going to be judged for it's wickedness.

This is the beginning of the end. Leading me to two different emotions. Excitement "Jesus is coming again!!!" And heart break, America has forsaken God.

A QUICK REVIEW OF THE ELECTIONS OF MY LIFE:

1969-1974: Nixon
1. I REMEMBER: nothing, I was not born until 1970.
2. I WAS: not born.
3. DURING THAT FOUR YEARS: I was adopted and we moved to Philidaphia.

1974-1977: Gerald R. Ford
1. I REMEMBER: Nothing, I was only 4 at the time of the election. I do remember my parents thinking he was a good President.
2. I WAS: 4-7 years old
3. DURING THOSE YEARS: We moved to South Dakota, I started school and learned to read and right.

1980: RONALD REAGAN

1. I REMEMBER: My parents thinking he was a godly man and they were glad he was president. The assassination attempt was big news.
2. I WAS: 10 years old.
3. DURING THAT FOUR YEARS: I learned to want what I want when I want it and would not take no for an answer. I began to run wild.

1984: RONALD REAGAN

1. I REMEMBER: I do not remember much about the election. I was way to self absorbed to care.
2. I WAS: 14-18 years old.
3. DURING THAT FOUR YEARS: I ran wild, did what I wanted when I wanted. I believe I was the one that gave preacher kids the bad name. I cared only about myself and what I could get.

1988: GEORGE BUSH (Sr.)

1. I REMEMBER: Being excited to be able to cast my vote. I knew who I was voting for and why. I wanted a moral President, even though I refused to go by any morals.
2. I WAS: 18-22 years old.
3. DURING THAT FOUR YEARS: I moved to Onley, MD to be a nanny. Were I met my first husband and after we were married we moved to Berlin, Germany. And the partying continued. (Many regrets as to living in such a historical area and only caring about the next party.) I did acquire 28 college credits.

1992: BILL CLINTON

1. I REMEMBER: thinking he was a liar. There was something in his eyes that was not trust worthy. I was very disappointed when he won.
2. I WAS: 22-26 years old, moved back to South Dakota, to California and back to South Dakota.
3. DURING THAT FOUR YEARS: I became pregnant with my first son. A wake up call. I did not want him raised the way I was living. I tried to get a right relationship with God. Not knowing how, being full of doubt, lack of faith I continued to make a mess of my life (and my son's). Having been raised in a Assembly of God church and second generation of saved parents I had no clue about God. I had a distorted idea of whom God was and continued to live recklessly. Oh, things improved, but not to the point that today I would call a christian walk. I gave birth to my second son and with faith in man rather than God I gave him up for adoption.

1996: BILL CLINTON

1. I REMEMBER: knowing that he would win, Dole didn't seem any better to me. There just wasn't any character in Dole's eyes.
2. I WAS: 26-30 years old and still living in South Dakota.
3. DURING THAT FOUR YEARS: I got divorced and met who would be my husband. I also met my real family and found out who I am and where I come from. A very exciting time of my life. I remember learning to accept God's love. I was some one worth loving. Yet, I did still struggle with the being some one worth keeping around and loving.

2000: GEORGE W. BUSH

1. I REMEMBER: thinking he was of his dad's character. I knew I was voting for him and was glad when he was voted in.
2. I WAS: 30-34 years old and still living in South Dakota.
3. DURING THAT FOUR YEARS: I gave birth to our first daughter. Married the man only God could have picked out for me. LOL I thought I had found him and picked him out. Only to now realize it really was God' doings. Through my husband I started to see who God really was. Learned how to correctly discipline a child. I started to understand how to walk upright, not just living the legalistic life, but a godly life. Much spiritual growth.

2004: GEORGE W. BUSH

1. I REMEMBER: realizing that he may be a good president, he did compromise and that worried me. I knew he was the best choice between Democratic and Republican, yet not thrilled with having to vote. It felt more like a chore rather than a privilege.
2. I WAS: 34-38 and still living in South Dakota, different house same town.
3. DURING THAT FOUR YEARS: we had our second daughter, oh what a blessing. I have grown so close to the LORD my God these last 4 years. There have been many a sorrowful day, yet I can say it has been worth it all. God has been so faithful, not giving up on me (as I have given up on Him). God has been so gracious and merciful with me. As I look back I can hardly believe I have made it, it has been a long journey from my rebellious teen years.

2008: BARACK OBAMA

1. I REMEMBER: not wanting to vote, not wanting to vote evil in again. Thinking if a godly man was not there to vote for I would not vote. When it came right done to being in the voting booth staring at the ballot, leaving the Presidential election for last, WHO was I to vote for. I voted for McCain only because I remember back when Perot was on the ballot, that third party split really messed things up. I knew voting for Baldwin was the same as voting for Obama, not morally but just dividing the votes. As I heard the verdict I hung my head in shame for not voting for Baldwin, as I say it the only godly choice. Now to live with my decision.
2. I WAS: 38 years old and still living in South Dakota and in the same house(!).
3. DURING THAT FOUR YEARS:

**********************
I really enjoyed this exercise of going back and remembering. Maybe you will to.
If you'd like to participate in this one (conceived in this brain'o'mine this morning), just follow these simple rules:

* First, post three sentences about your thoughts on this year's election results
* Then, starting with the year nearest to when you were born, post the election year, the winner, and these three things:

1. What, if anything, you remember about the campaign/election/outcome.
2. How old you were & where you lived during that President's four year term.
3. What happened in your life during that four-year period?

You can use this format (if ya like):

1. I REMEMBER:
2. I WAS:
3. DURING THAT FOUR YEARS:

I have been sent.

2008-11-03T17:46:00.002-06:00

Today our Hymn History was a hymn that seemed to express my life right now. For some time I kept praying and asking God how I could help, how I could be a missionary in my area. As I read through the words I realized I was right where I was meant to be. Oh, I have known it, just didn't want to accept this as being it. Nothing more but it. Then reading the scripture references with the song it all came together in my mind.

Yes I have been sent and am in my mission field. I must admit that I have not done a very good job since I have been refusing to accept this as my mission field. Now I feel such peace in this area in my life, bringing ease to the pain. Yes, it has been bringing me closer and closer to the Lord God. Realizing that all I have on this earth is Jesus, my closest, dearest friend and at times my only friend, comfort, love. Yes I can truly say Jesus is the lover of my soul. My all in all. If God be for me who can be against me.

I praise God for being here, getting me through day by day. So many times it is just moment by moment. Oh, how I cannot get enough of His love. A love that never sways, envelopes me with arms of hope.

Biblical Submission Bible Study

2008-10-31T18:28:00.003-05:00

"Write an article and post it on your blog to tell us a little bit about yourself, i.e., how you found the study, why you are joining, how long you've been married, kids, no kids, etc.,"

This happens to be an area of my life I struggle with. I found the blog Monday morning. During one of my times of rebellion to God. It so amazes me how God draws me back into right relationship with him. I do not remember what I read that had a link to A Wife's Biblical Submission. After finding it and a brief reading of the blog I lost internet for the rest of the week. LOL Don't you just love God's humor. For over a week God kept certain scriptures coming at me as to how I was to treat my husband.

BTW it worked, I could not stand not being in right relationship with God so Tuesday I finally gave into God. I still have a long way to go to be where I need to be to be the godly wife God created me to be.

I have been married to the most godly man God could have ever given me for the last 7 years. We have 2 beautiful daughters. And then there is the 6 boys that are in and out of our lives one of which has given a grand daughter. I so miss seeing her glorious face, what a joy and a blessing to the family.

Priorties?! What should I be doing?

2008-10-31T18:09:00.003-05:00

I am always looking for a way to easy the bills. Turning lights off, unplugging things, turning the heat down etc. I realize how it all adds up. I am always looking for ways to help out financially. Yet, my husband has never asked me to. Ops! This post really started me to thinking.

Back in May I decided to get a driving paper route. The girls can go with, it is only 1 hr a day. Tuesday was our last day. I had no idea how much of an inconvenience it really has been having the route. It has been nice not having to watch the time, we just keep going with school until we are done. That need to be to be looked at, I tent to be an over achiever and put way to much into our day. Yet, the extra time this week and all the reading we did in the evening, we really had nothing much for today that had to be done. YEAH!

It is amazing how taking things on with out getting my husband's blessing really becomes a burden.

This past week I could not get the internet. It ended up being a wonderful thing. My goal for the upcoming week is to stay away from the computer during the week, do a quick email check and leave keeping up with things for my Friday night out. Ok, that is what I call it. I can be lost on the computer and totally enjoy myself reading blogs, learning, doing my school prep.

Are you Voting?

2008-10-31T16:57:00.005-05:00

My favorite group, SOW(Student of the Word) has been having a wonderful discussion on should one vote or not. I have so enjoyed all the scripture and the different view points.

One of my favorite books is 'The Scarlet Letter A.' We now have many bastard children running around this world because of what was wanted by the one wearing the Scarlet letter A, acceptance. You see she wanted to enjoy sin and wanted the church to stand by and do nothing in the way of discipline. And guess what! That is exactly what the church has done. I must add when I say church I am talking about all of the 'christian' world (not what God calls christian or church but what the world calls christian and church). The church today is all about tolerance, standing by and 'loving' the person but never addressing the sin.

The church has been and is still willing to accept anything today. I am voting and I do have a problem voting in sin. SD is voting on abortion again this year, but this time they are allowing exceptions, so either way I vote I will be voting for murder. And I have a real problem with that. My point. If I do not show up at the poles I am being just as passive as the Lady wearing the Scarlet Letter A wants me to be, she then can do as she pleases really with my approval. Even though I do not approve. So I know I must show up vote on the issues I can with a clear conscience. And the issues that I cannot vote on with a clear conscience, I may even add my own box and add a scripture. If I leave a blank, my having gotten a ballot will still show that I was there and for what ever reason the one that does get voted in will know that there is a number of people that didn't vote for anyone still didn't vote for them, so they will know in their heart of hearts how many didn't vote for them.

If I do nothing, not even show up at the poles I am allowing Satan to win 100%. No fight. That is what he has wanted all the time, christians to just give up so he can have his way. I also understand we must strive for peace, yet by standing by and allowing 'satan's' people to do all the decision making what good am I to God. If I never open up my mouth, if I never stand up and fight. Is not this the reason why Israel had all the problems they had and have, they did not utterly destroy the wicked from among the land they were to posses. They allowed some to stay, so that satan could have a foot hold. Our not fighting in war's, not voting, and etc. is doing the same.

As in Ecclesiastes, there is a time for silence... and a time for war.

The End

2008-10-27T10:09:00.006-05:00

The end times have always intriguing to me. As a young child I always felt that I would be in the tribulation. Who knows how that idea got in my head. Maybe it could be all the times the movies about the rapture and being left behind were show in the church when I was very young. By age 8 I could not sleep and would have my dad sit by my bed until all hours of the night (happened mostly on Saturday nights) and he would have to stay awake, I could not be the last one to go to sleep as a child. What patience he had, I would toss and turn, I can still remember the dark circles around his eyes as he stayed awake until 2-5 AM at my bed side. Oh, I was so afraid of death as a child, especially death by fire. Flipper would scare me and I would hide behind the lazy boy chair and peak at the show, so other than the scary movies shown at church they really limited my TV.

As I have grown up I have always felt I was to be in the tribulation, that I would never be good enough to make the rapture. I was raised strictly Pre-Trib. Never questioned it until Grandpa John made some mention one day while visiting that scripture really talks about several different. To me that made more sense, yet I have not sat down and reread Revelations to see for myself. This post by a fellow SOW'er just might get me to.

I have been having some very interesting dreams over the last 3 years. And they all seem to one way or another fit into this idea. Interesting. Just some rambling thoughts. And yes, I would like your ideas on these things.

Facebook.... is that who I really am?

2008-10-24T19:52:00.003-05:00

As I meet up with people from my past I wonder what about my past do they remember. Do they have a clue I have changed? Do I now live my life in such a way that when they see under religion 'christian' they believe there is a difference in me? Of do they think I am that 'preacher's daughter' who gave preacher kids the stereo type of wild/more of satan than of God?

I also wonder are they the same, how have each of them changed over time? It is so easy on Facebook, My Space and others like them to put a front up so that others perceive you the way one wants them to. I have not made it to a single reunion for numerous reasons. This fall a mother of a class mate told "just make it to your 40th, that is the best one."

My husband and I for years have been wondering why does God keep us here in Madison. A few months ago I began to earnestly pray for an answer. The reply I have received is to start telling others what I (God) has done for me. It was like the power no, the release, to do what I knew all along to do but was just to scared to speak up. I keep failing God every day it seems. Maybe it is forgetting to do something or out right rebellion. Since that day I have felt God's, well the Holy Spirit helping me to speak out. I do not know if that is the only reason we are being kept here in Madison. Yet, I know with out a shadow of a doubt that I must open my mouth more about God's goodness, blessings, discipline, getting me through struggles, strength to go on day by day. God is really becoming my only source of comfort.

So what do you think? Have I changed? Well, you do not need to answer. I must answer to God. I must change only because of what He wants from my life not because of what any other person may think or say to me. I must conduct myself the way God desires. Most of my growing up years I allowed others to influence my decisions. Praise God I not only desire God's influence yet I am finally beginning to see and to allow His influence to be first. And it has been a long hard road for me. Hard because I have made it hard, fighting God, wanting things done my way NOW, now being willing to wait, etc.

Update

2008-10-03T13:56:00.002-05:00

There are so many things going on and so many things to blog. Yet I still find myself lost of time to get everything I desire and everything that needs to be done done.

School is going quit well this year.
Our oldest daughter is still my challenge, I have decided it is because I am learning how to teach. When I have it totally figured out things go so smooth.
Our youngest is taking to school like a fish in water. What a joy.
I am still figuring out how much is enough and how much is to much. LOL Will that challenge ever end.
I am teaching Sunday School and am learning right along with the kids, why does Sunday school have to be such a short 45 min?
Our family business has filled the house to overflowing, God has really blessed us.
There is a grand baby in the family and is the most precious baby. I didn't realize how I could love a child I did not birth to as much as this little one. It is so hard to take my eyes off of her when around her, which is not nearly enough.
Thyroid is still all messed up, so some days I am not sure if I am coming or going.
God has been working on my trusting Him in everything. Wow! Such amazing lessons and such freedom when I learn to trust Him instead of me or the world.

God Bless. Dawn

Why does one cry?

2008-09-23T12:20:00.002-05:00

I do not know what makes you cry yet I can tell what makes me cry. Not tears because of joy -- I do not consider that crying just tears --a cry that takes your whole body.

Sinning against God.
Failing my loved ones.
Knowing things will never change.
Emotional pain, pain so deep my chest will ache and hurt to the point that it is hard to breath. A pain and a cry that drains me of all energy for days.

By whose authority?

2008-07-23T08:04:00.002-05:00

I am so glad that someone feels I am a good wife. LOL Society today thinks I am crazy and off.... since I am a SAHM, home school, only wear dresses and skirts and ..... I do not control my husband, I do not put things first, I do not desire friendship's to the distraction of my family duties, dress modestly, and on and on. So here it is who thinks I am a Superior Wife. LOL

As a 1930s wife, I am
Very Superior

Take the test!

No Internet? !!!!!!

2008-07-23T07:38:00.002-05:00

Good Morning!!!

I have not been able to get an internet connection since some time early May. It was hard at first but now!!!!! God has so richly blessed me for not being online. This A.M. I turned on my computer only to figure out how I missed paying a bill-got an service interruption notice. LOL And there it was!!! I have been doing all of my banking online so that really was what I missed, being to look at my accts online. And when I really needed it LOL there it was. I so love how God works.

So about my summer.

May 30th the girls and I started a driving Paper Route. Not so much for the money but the getting out of the house daily. In the colder months I tend to stay inside and not exit the house until my DH gets me out on weekends. So the blues, crabbiness, and depression can get quite strong before spring enters the picture. I want to be able to keep the route as a way to get me outside for more than a few minutes to check the mail everyday. LOL The girls so enjoy our responsibility. They each have their duties to help out.

We went to Minneapolis in June and stayed with my mom. Whom I made go to the doctor and is still doctoring for phenomia. Praise God I was able to go and help her start getting well. Please pray with me that she continues to heal.

Then over the 4th of July we made a flying trip to Wyoming. Long drive for 2 days. LOL I have to tell you how God protected us. In the foot hills of the Casper Mountain (between Douglass and Casper on the Interstate-if you know the area is long low grade hills) the truck overheated. We had no water with us. LOL We stopped at a parking area and went looking at all the trash by the side of the road, found 2 things of discarded water we could us, still not enough but got us down the road about 2 miles or so. We found a cow drinking hole just over the fence line. It was gross looking water, I wondered about all of the discarded powerades back at the parking area and wondered if that would have been better. LOL BTW we also happened to be low on gas. Just waited to long and wanted to get that cheaper gas in Casper. We made it to Casper without another problem and filled up the truck at Flying J's. Our 20 gallon gas tank took 23.3 gallons of gas. The truck never coughed or sputters, ran so smoothly after we poured that cow drinking water in the radiator. The truck has run out of gas before and has never needed so much gas before. We know without a doubt in our minds we were running on God, not even gas fumes.

The experience really got me to thinking of how many other things God protected us from that we have no idea about. On the way home I woke up many times to see deer just standing by the edge of the road just staring at us. They were so beautiful to look at. Again God's protection.

Thyroid: I believe I have gone from hyper to hypo. I will be going to the Doctor Thursday to find out for sure. I am praying for God to take care of this.

Good to be back yet I still plan on not being around much. I am hoping to check in weekly during the school year. Which I am so ready to get back to, I got most of my prep work done while the family was gone in May. What a difference from last year of scrambling around when I needed to be organized and going. Praise God for taking care of all of these details. Dawn

Words words and more words by the fool.

2008-05-23T20:53:00.002-05:00

Ecclesiastes 5:2 " Be not rash with thy mouth, and let not thine heart be hasty to utter any thing before God: for God is in heaven, and thou upon earth: therefore let thy words be few."

Sunday the Sunday school teacher taught that one could be one of many words yet not a fool. It so hurts my soul to hear a man in such a position giving people an excuse to not follow scripture, in a way adding to scripture. Is not the scripture above clear. Where in scripture does it say a man/woman of many words to be wise?

As I look at history I see how a man's word is no longer reliable. We talk all the time about anything and everything. Yes, everything, there is nothing sacred in a marriage, or a person's personal life. Yes, society tells us we must talk everything out, talk talk talk. I am living proof that talk talk talk is not the answer.

Isn't wonderful having a spouse that you can just enjoy the silence with, just being together, no words needed to explain a feeling. I must say coming to this realization has been a very painful long road. My dear husband told me years ago, soon after we got together, all that I needed to do was be there for him. It totally confused me, how does a person's presence do anything? By just being there was nothing in my understanding, I had to do something, I had to talk. Oh, how I ruined so many many wonderful romantic times of us just being together. I am just understanding what that means. Yes, it has been a long 7 years.

I can remember so many times those scriptures in Proverbs floating through my mind as I felt the need to talk and talk and talk some more. God was there telling me time and time again SHUT YOUR MOUTH. LOL Shhhhhhhhhh............

I am greatful for God's mercy for not giving me what I deserve for all of my talking. God has been so faithful never giving up on me, and continuing the work He started in me. I am also so blessed to still be married. I know it is because of God that I still have a husband

Silence is so precious. Silence is also contentment.

A clear head

2008-05-16T13:18:00.002-05:00

Being home alone has allowed for lots of thinking. I am so greatful that God has cleared my head so that I can think. I started to read my Bible again and that is all it took. I just picked up where I left off in my reading the Bible through.

I have gotten several things done the last two days, more than I had accomplished in the four days previous. LOL Life is so crazy. I must get back to my to do list.

Which way but.....

2008-05-13T20:42:00.002-05:00

Well I am allowed to be around people, I could hug and kiss my girls again if they were here. After several more fights they went with their dad out of state for a few days. The house is so quiet. I can remember so many times wanting a few minutes of quiet during the day. LOL I have them all.

The problem is that there are so many choices and so many decisions my mind has gone into overload. So I do nothing. That would sum up my whole life. This crazy cycle has to end. How is my question? How do I step out of all of this when I cannot see through it.

Sin=dirty, poison, repulsive, undesirable...

2008-05-06T21:35:00.002-05:00

Today was an interesting day. Finished thyroid testing and found out that I have Graves Disease. And such an easy fix, one small capsule of I-131. It went down with out a problem waited my 30 minutes (they wanted to make sure I did not throw it up), and went home.
I was the last patient so I could wait in the waiting room. It was funny making the alarm go off as I left the nurses area. It was for real I was Radioactive. This time the dose meant that I cannot get within 5 feet of my children. On the way home I felt, well, dirty, like poison.

My family had gone out to eat and had a great time only to return to a mom that they could not get by. It was difficult, Oh, how my 3 year old is struggling with no cuddling, no hugs, no kisses from mom. My 7 yr. old has lots of questions, she is old enough to understand that after 7 days we can hug and be close again. There have been three times now that the 3 yr. old has cried for me, I explain she cannot be by me than a few minutes later she asks for something and is sure to add, I cannot get by mom.

The second hard part is the bathroom, for 48 hours I must use a bathroom no one else uses. So some discomfort to the family having to all use the upstairs bathroom. The fun part, I must eat off of plastic and throw it away. YEAH! Less dishes. LOL

Many many hard thoughts and feelings have crossed all of us in the house. I have wondered if this is how a HIV person feels. They assured me that it is my body fluids that is harmful (for young children and preg. women distance does take into affect), so if I take care and watch myself no one else is in harm. Yet the scare is there. What a yuck feeling, for me and others around me. Kind of a rejection yet it is for everyone's good. Oh, what mixed up feelings. Hard for me to put into words.

The question keeps being brought up if my eating and eating has caused this, so this 'sin' and pain I am causing others could have been avoided. Is the Doc. just an excuse? Is my actions the reason for all of this separation? Yet, sin is to blame, Eve started it all. So one way or another sin is to blame. The question then is mine or Hers? There are two theories Doctors give: The first and orginal, A woman in a wheel chair fell because her attendant let go for some reason, causing a tramatic situation and brought on Graves Disease. Two: Genetics, it is in the genes. I have asked both mom and dad and there is thyroid problems in both sides of my family. Hum? The question still is Who's sin is the real cause? I sure would like to know the truth.

Prayer!

2008-05-03T13:56:00.002-05:00

Please pray for me. I do not know how to explain what is going on inside. I just know things have to change. I hear the medical world call it genetically and there is nothing but drugs to take care of it. I do not believe that yet I have no idea what to do. I know that I am not the only one in my family struggling with this I see how she is dealing with it with the medical end and it is not helping her. I am trying to put all in God's hands, He is the only one that knows what is going on and how to take care of it. I just wish He would tell me something.

Hell/Earth/Heaven

2008-05-01T23:58:00.002-05:00

So much is going though my head.

I think of a desire I had as a young child, well, even into my adult life. To witness and be apart of miracles. I am sure you have heard or read about the miracles missionaries encounter. (I also know not all missionaries encounter miracles) Oh, how as a child I believed only missionaries were close enough to God to know and witness miracles. Oh, how I wanted to be a missionary. As I got older I realized it was not because those people were missionaries but because of their walk with God. That is what I craved.

Lets not forget God will finish the good work He started in me. LOL So the trials come and finally I realize what God is doing. At least I think I know. He is leading me to that place of close relationship with Him. I must totally with out a doubt trust in Him. Wow! Has that saying changed meaning for me over the years. And oh, the pain I have gone through because of me wanting what I want. LOL Yes, I want my desired to be as God's desires. I have prayed that and prayed that over the years. Yet my selfishness and wanting to have things easy on earth, earthly rewards. LOL God has been so patient with me. Giving me so much time to make those changes with out the pain. But I did not make the necessary changes then I waited for the pain and then decided to make the change. What a backward life I tend to live.

The pain, the heart ache, how could hell be worse than things on earth. At times that is so hard for me to grasp. The hard times, trial, troubles, are all nothing in comparison to hell. And the opposite can be just as hard to grasp. I remember as a child I believed there would be no food in Heaven. Oh, there are just to many good foods on earth what could possible be better. LOL Satan is always at work. If a person believes that hell on earth is what hell is really like, well why live for God. And if a person believes that there is Heaven on earth why sacrifice for eternal Heaven.

Taking up my cross....

2008-05-01T23:26:00.004-05:00

I have returned from a night walk. For those that do not know- I walk at night when I am very upset. A time to talk with God and walk out my frustrations. The longer the walk = the amount of time it takes for me to give in to God. LOL that sounds funny. Not that God is arguing, pleading, demanding or anything else like that. The amount of time it takes me to

do I have to say that word

Ok! Submit to God's will. There I said it. Yes, it is not an easy thing for me to do. Yet I do look forward to the day that I will submit with the 'hard' things before I have to take a walk. FYI my walk tonight was only about 1 mile. Short in comparison to the norm 4 miles.

Loneliness and rejection are two feeling I have know since, well, conception. Neither of my parents wanted me so I was put up for adoption. Yes, I can remember being 13 again and deciding that God was not for me, way to lonely, I wanted friends. My parents say I changed like night and day. And again I have been allowing my loneliness to guide my actions. All the time God is right there, He never left me. Oh, but I wanted man, you know some thing you can see and feel, not knowledge, not promises from a God that has never broken a promise. Writing that I realize how silly my desires really are. I want someone (human-who is not perfect) to be there for me. LOL All humans fail others at one time or another.

Have you ever seen the movie 'Passions of the Christ'? So vivid (yes, some incorrect truths and whats up with that satan?), what a memory in my brain. The turning point of my walk tonight was realizing Jesus went through the same things. I believe I am safe in saying it was worse what he went through. The rejection, denial of His closest and dearest followers, the ones He confided in. And on top of that He had to listen to the lies. He succeeded and He can and will get me through this. I have to allow Him to, I have to give up my desire-and allow Jesus to be the one comforting me, caring for me, loving me. Oh, remembering what He did for me how can I not want Him at my side. How could I not think that His love is not enough.

It is amazing how time and time again we deny Christ yet deceiving our selves that we are not.

Heart Condition?

2008-04-30T23:21:00.002-05:00

Have you ever had God harden your heart? Do you thing God still does things like that today? This is something that has had me thinking for more than a year now. It is a difficult thing. For years I had prayed asking God to answer certain prayers any way possible. WOW! Did God ever answer those prayers. Well some are still in the works. After a situation more than two years ago I have not been able to pray that way whole heartedly. It is so interesting how God works in our lives and how He brings us to the place we need to be.

It makes me think of the accident in March, a young college boy hit a Tour Bus head on and was killed immediately. I firmly believe that when we are to die God will allow it to happen in such a way that the most good will come out of it. So I wonder who is going to benefit by that and why. Oh, I suppose they are questions I am waisting my time on. God knows and the ones that need to know will know.

I see time and time again how God uses our situations for His good. Yes, all things work out for good. And the world wants to see it be for what they think is good. But what does God see as good. I do not see any man on this earth able to fully answer that question. We may see bits and pieces of God's good, yet we (on this earth) cannot ever know the whole of God's good. With our History lessons (with home schooling) I am starting to understand (only a start) what God sees.

How many times during the Judges did God's people turn from God and go a whoring? Every judge. Wow! What does that have to tell us about man and what will happen with our children? Grandchildren? Thats my ramblings for the night. God bless you and Keep you. Yes, that is a prayer I thank God for almost daily, God has keep me through many many times of giving up. Praise God for never giving up on me. Scripture tells me that God will finish the good work He started in me. Praise God He is not done with me. There is HOPE.

Influnence

2008-04-25T14:59:00.003-05:00

In light of everything going on.......

My oldest daughter is close to the Lord. It is evident in her daily life. Last night she was visiting with a friend. Came running in the house to get her Bible, then back in to get a Bible to give away.

Later she reported that her friend wanted to get saved. She was upset that the friends brothers came and interrupted. LOL She has not given up and said that she has a lot of saving to do. I am so glad she is not giving up.

Two weeks ago she wanted to start having church Wednesday night in the yard for her friends. We have not because of me-I get scared of what people will say. I know how terrible. I am not going to keep letting my DD down. We will put something together for the kids this Wednesday evening.

She was even told that one of her friends likes her because she is always telling her about God.

Answered Prayer?!

2008-04-25T14:08:00.002-05:00

I so find it so intriguing how God answers prayer. As this has been a very upsetting week I have prayed for God to show me my wrong in all of this. LOL God is so faithful and has brought the answer to me attention in a way that I cannot deny it. You see in Church last Sunday (the 20th) there was a word from God that had the answer. I heard it and was not ready to hear it. Ok, I didn't want to listen, so it has been in the back of my mind all week.

So on to the funny part. This A.M. my husband and I talk (LOL I am not sure how to label it talking, arguing, words, feeling, etc.) God used him to show me in a way I cannot deny: my selfishness. SO now I am being stubborn. I realize if I was willing to give in (weeks ago) there would be no strife between us. So the question is: Will I be willing to give in and forgo before there is no turning back? Time will tell.

Now that is an interesting saying. The first time I remember hearing those words it angered me to the point of doing something very selfish. Now I find myself saying it all the time.

You would think I would give in sooner than later. I am finding out the older I get that all decisions come back to kick me in the _ _ _ _ one way or another. I think of love for chocolate. I have had this love since I was just a young child. I was taught to clean my plate to get dessert. SO I did no matter how full I was I would eat everything even seconds if it meant more chocolate for dessert. Yes, I taught myself to pig out when full to get chocolate. I can remember my stomach hurting from eating so much but wanting that chocolate eating more and dealing with the pain because the reward was worth it. Now 90 lbs. over weight I have been paying for this behavior. It did not hurt me then, nor did it hurt me for years. Now I get to pay with more than just the weight issue, my eating habits have caused my thyroid to go crazy and for once in my life I am having high blood pressure and other problems all because I did not care what I put in my mouth.

The time it takes to reap what one sows is never the same. And having said that I give up. Oh, that is another bad habit started as a young child. Give up for any amount of time then maybe go back and try again until it gets to hard and quit again. LOL When will I ever learn. I guess that is why my dad puts me in the group of "never learns". I so hate the consequences that I will not try (again) until the consequences of quitting is worse than the consequence of doing what I should have done in the first place. Which makes things worse all around. It is a cycle I would love to quit. And then, when I get to the point of doing the right and still facing the consequences (after a period of time, which differs with each experience), well, I will put it this way; after a while I get so down and out that doing right does no good I go back to doing what "I" want to do. So starting the cycle all over again. Hating life every moment and affecting those around me.

My mom once told me that if we don't learn a lesson that God will keep putting it before us (maybe in different ways) until we learn it, and all along the way the lesson gets harder each time. I wonder, how to teach my girls so they do not have to go through all the pain I have had to go through. I must say self inflicted pain is the worst.

Pain and Growing!?

2008-04-23T18:59:00.002-05:00

Well the last week has not been a pleasant one. Since my husband publicly denied that we are married (in church this took place) I kind of went crazy. And by Friday told him one of us was moving to the basement. So he did by the time I returned from a Church Womans Retreat. The longer I stayed away from the house the more calm and relaxed and my spirit renewed. I have only been back in the house 24 hours and am exhausted again, I am ready to leave for a few days of realization. Will it ever end?

Can you believe he cannot understand why an anniversary would be so important to me it means nothing to him so why does it mean anything to me. Can you tell I am still very upset. I figure if we are not married than I can do as I please and I am not going to submit to a man that does not believe he is married. So I am my own woman at this time. Will it ever end?

Salvation!

2008-04-16T18:11:00.000-05:00

If all a person has to do is say a 'magic prayer' to be saved than most of America will be in heaven. Take Billy Graham for example. How many thousands maybe millions of people have gone forward. If so many people are 'saved' how come our nation is so wicked, should not it be getting more holy? If so many people are truly saved how come the world is not saved.

So many people say things just to get others off of their back. Say things to impress others, say things to get what they want. Our actions speak louder than our words. Yes, works will never get one into Heaven. Works have never saved anyone nor will they ever save any one. It is our fruit in our lives that speak as to whom we serve. We cannot serve two masters. If one does not want to change, how can one enter into Eternal Life with Jesus. Does not scripture tell us that if we deny Christ we will be denied by God. How can a person say I am a born again Christian yet all of their acts are serving satan?

To many people just say the prayer, now I am saved and do not have to change. If that is all that needed to be (not saying works needed to be added, but a true heart commitment, a true belief in Jesus) the world would be saved. Scripture does not say, say this prayer and you will be saved. There is so much meaning in the words 'believe in'. Thinking about John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotton Son that whosoever believeth in His should not perish but have everlasting life." What is the true meaning of "Believeth in"? Is it just a saying, is it just confession of the mouth, is it actions, is it a change? Are not new creatures different?

Are you beginning to see how 'churches' today are giving a false sense of Salvation. That 'prayer' is like a band aide. No more to it. It is not works that needs to be to it, but a true desire and a true belief in Jesus. And our actions/fruit tell if we truly believe. Sensere not just empty words.

There are times that a person does not even know their own heart.

I asked God

2008-04-16T18:06:00.002-05:00

I asked God to grant me patience. God said, No. Patience is a by-product of tribulations; it isn''t granted, it is learned.

I asked God to give me happiness. God said, No. I give you blessings. Happiness is up to you.

I asked God to spare my pain. God said, No. Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.

I asked God to make my spirit grow. God said, No. You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to make you fruitful.

I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life. God said, No. I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.

I asked God to help me love others, as much as He loves me. God said...Ahhhh, finally you have the right idea.

Author Unknown

Yearly fun?

2008-04-10T13:20:00.002-05:00

Oh, what a crazy journey I am on. I went for one of those fun yearly woman's exams. LOL I was informed that my thyroid was swollen, gave some blood and got the call today that it came back abnormal. When I heard the Nurse's voice I knew why she was calling and what the test results were (they never call when things are normal). LOL

Now the craziest part is Hyperthyroid. I have looked it up online and weight loss is one of the first signs/symptoms. LOL I gain weight and struggle to lose a bound. LOL Not wanting to go to the appointment I have come up with 3 excused and will see a specialist May 2nd. (I could go Tuesday-I want more time to take this all in).

You may find it odd that I want to wait. The first thing that keeps going through my mind is that one word MONEY. (You see I am the only one in the family with no insurance). Every time that worry comes to mind I retell myself God made me and God can heal me, He also owns everything, so not to worry God will take care of it one way or another.

In one sense it is nice knowing there is a reason I feel so bad and a reason for the crazy physical things that have been going on. I think at times my DH thinks it is all in my head. LOL A test result to prove it. LOL

My adopted family not birth family has the thyroid problems. My (A) mom had to have her thyroid removed and both of her sisters and the doctors told them it ran in the family. So I am confused, maybe it has to do with lifestyles and not blood? I am going to ask about that. I am starting my list of questions to ask, at a possible of $500 for the first visit I want to get my money's worth. There I go again with that word, it really should be a 4 letter word. Dawn

The New Church?

2008-04-05T12:45:00.002-05:00

What is there to say? The clip is pretty self explanatory. How much more must go on before Jesus Christ comes back?

My Testimony

2008-03-15T18:32:00.003-05:00

I was saved as a young child. I remember taking my Bible to school. Oh, how I wanted to tell the whole world that Jesus loved them. I also remember the day I denied Christ and decided that I wanted friends not Jesus as my friend. For the next several years I lived the way I wanted to live. Going to church professing to be a Christian, going forward for prayer, rededicating my life to Jesus every year at camp, giving testimonies that from this day forward I was going to live for Jesus, then Monday morning I would go back to living for satan. I was a Sunday Christian. Those days I know I said yes many times, wanted the benefit of being saved and a child of the King, yet my heart was not in it. I refused to totally give in. I remember partying and knowing if I died that very moment I would go to hell. There was no question in my mind. I was not giving up my friends, my life style for Jesus. So many nights not able to sleep because I did not want to die.

It was not until I was pregnant with my eldest son, June 27th, 1993 that I finally gave in and said ok, God I will do it your way. I was finally willing to give up my will to God and change-allow God to change me. It was a battle that night. I think mom and I talked until 3 A.M. that Sunday morning. It happened to be fathers day that Sunday. Mom woke dad up to tell him the good news.

Yes, the next 7 years were a real trial, a real up and down. I have failed Christ many times since then. I still played games with God. I had two more children out of wed lock, knowing it was wrong. Yet I always had the idea in the back of my mind that I can just ask God to forgive me and I will be all right. I was intentionally sinning. It was not much of a commitment to God, I was hanging by a thread.

It was the Wednesday before Easter March, 2002. I went off,and packed up my two children and left the family. Now the worst time to come and yet the best time of my life. Worse because there are many many bad seed that has been harvested and still harvesting from that night. Best, because it forced me closer to God. Again I deepened my commitment to God during those long nights and days as a single mom raising 2 children and losing a child. That is when I started to learn to truly trust in God. Putting my faith to action. It was a long 20 months.

It is funny, in looking back at the different stages of my life I can see how God worked in my life. I can see the change, yet during each different stage I cannot see the changes.

No one or nothing can separate God's love from you. But you can remove yourself from Him. You can choose NO. You can choose Yes. God is just there waiting for you to make up your
mind.

My Redneck Wedding!

2008-03-15T11:35:00.002-05:00

In a sense we had a redneck wedding April 13, 2001. Have you ever watched "My Redneck Wedding" what I find so interesting, a group of people now willing to get married the 'traditional' way for others. They get married their own way, how they believe it should be done, not for show (well, some I think is for show on how crazy they can be). I see people today getting married in the Church, because that is the way it should be done. HA! Yet never darken the door of a church again until their funeral. I see 'America' as a generation of people that do things politically correct. Yes, it is politically correct to get married in a church.

When a person is being 'politically correct' how may lies, how many people are they leading astray, how can they ever expect to see the Kingdom of God? I am grateful that we were not politically correct.

We were not living our live the way we knew God wanted us to, we were living together in sin. As a means to correct this we went to the justice of the peace one Friday morning. LOL I happened to be Good Friday, April 13, 2001. LOL Friday the 13th. I was so nervous I could not repeat the words right, I cannot remember the last time I was so scared. I was making a commitment I was going to keep (it was my second marriage), no turning back (the first time I went in it with the thought - if I don't like it I will just get divorced, not this time), this was it this was going to be the last man to ever know me, this was going to be the last relationship I would ever enter into. The first real commitment I Dawn _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ was making. I felt grown up, the games were over, no more playing house it was for real. I can still remember those feelings as I stood in that court room, my head was swimming, I had no idea who the people were there, a clear or two for witnesses. I Praise God it was not until we were on our way home that we realized that it was Good Friday or that it was Friday the 13th.

I had no idea what to expect being a married woman. Yes, I had been a married woman before, but I was still just playing house then, it was just all fun and games, that had a lot of screaming, hollering and hitting involved. This time was going to be different, I aimed to grow up. There are times I still will try a game or two. Praise God! God sent me a man that would not put up with those childish games! He will not play and will bring me back to my age. LOL

There are times in the past that I would cry because of the way we married. Then I am reminded of the sin, and I realize that is the way it had to be. You know the saying, 'i f you do the crime you have to do the time'. I do day dream from time to time of renewing our vows before the Lord. Have you ever dedicated one of your children to the Lord. I would like to dedicate our marriage to the Lord. I do know at this very moment the only reason I am still married that that man I married April 13, 2001 is because of God. God and God alone is the only one who could ever keep us together. God has worked so many heart, mind and soul changes in me it brings tears to my eyes just thinking of all the wonderful things God has done in our marriage. Yes, tears of joy. Dawn

Answers!!!

2008-03-13T20:31:00.003-05:00

Have you ever looked for answers wondering where they are and how come they are not being answered the way you thing they should? I must say I have been to that place to many times. I am so grateful that God does not answer my prayers the way I think they should be, His ways are always best.

Sunday my husband requests that our daughter learns "As the Deer" to sing next Sunday at Church. I wanted to put a youtube of the song, yet I have no clue so I will just paste the words.

Psalm 42:1
"As the hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God."

As the deer panteth for the water,
So my soul longs after you.
You alone are my hearts desire,
And I long to worship You.
Chorus
You alone are my strength, my shield;
To You alone may my spirit yield.
You alone are my hearts desire,
and I long to worship You.

I want you more than gold or silver,
Only You can satisfy.
You alone are the real joy giver
And the apple of my eye.
Chorus

You're my friend and You're my brother,
Even though you are a King.
I love You more than any other
So much more than anything.
Chorus

God knew the challenges I would face this week. God knew what I needed. God my Jehovah-Nissi went ahead and prepared the way! The only problem I refused to humble my spirit to the message Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday - finally Wednesday evening I was just miserable (which also caused other family members to be miserable) I finally gave in and and allowed God to work in my heart. Sad that I waited and refused to give in sooner. Oh, what joy's I missed out on. Yet, Praise God, I did give in and things have been so much better. What a wonderful song to know, to desire to live as God alone as my only desire. Yes, having God as my strength and my sheild does make life worth living. Dawn

Death

2008-03-13T18:26:00.002-05:00

I would really like to bury this weight. It has been a week since I last exercised and did it ever make a difference, it really curbed my appetite. Not only death to the extra weight I carry but to that lifestyle and attitudes. As our family attended a funeral today I was so reminded how my decisions for the moment make such a difference. In the last few days God has been pointing out to me to look to the future and not for the moment. Here is an example: Today we got two free box's of chocolate chip cookie dough. I bring them in to check them out, looks good, tastes good. Yes, I had my fingers in the dough right away. And the whole time God is reminding me that His temple does not require sugar of this sort. LOL He did word things a bit different, but the message was the same. Yes, it was enough to get my fingers out of the dough. Now the girls and a friend of theirs are cooking up three tubs, Praise God, tomorrow night is a Pizza Party at church and the cookies will go. But that really is not the way I need to be looking at this trial. When I desire sugar I need to turn to the Lord and all allow God to fill that emptiness. Yes, the world would label me an emotional eater. I label lack of faith.

Now back to the funeral. What would my advice be to the family: Give your life over to God and totally relay on God to get you through this day by day. Wow! What a hit to me, with eating I do not even take my own advice. So during the funeral I prayed God give me a reminder (something tangible) to help me keep my eye's on the ultimate goal -serving God. Not the moment, not how I am feeling right now but how will my action right now affect the future. God is so faithful! Before we left God answered my prayer, I was given a small gift-a flower pen. God not only answers prayers He looks at the whole scope of things. You see day time - school time happens to be the hardest time of day for me to keep focused. We have gotten into a pretty good routine so things are going smoothly. And my thoughts wonder to this or that - getting my eyes off of Jesus and my purpose to be on this earth. So a pen is perfect. ( I do not believe that an object has any power in itself - for the time, having it around can be my 'sign' to help me keep on track.) Dawn

Just for Fun learning about me and you.

2008-03-04T07:42:00.002-06:00

I found this at Organizational Determination and it is suggested that everyone answer the questions.

Three names you go by:
1. Dawn
2. mom
3. sis (important to me because I didn't know my brother and sister until I was 29, and always wanted to be called it, it is music to my ears.)

Three things you are wearing right now:
1. Tennies
2. watch
3. Sweats-just got back from the gym.

Three longest car rides:
1. To Ethete, WY when we caravaned 4 vehicles, and kept breaking down I beleive the 12 hour drive took 36 hours.
2. When I came home from California in 1993, preg. and could not stay awake.

3. Coming home from Springfield, MO 1995, driving on ice with a screaming 2 year old.

Three of your favorite things to do:
1. Spend time with God.
2. Swimming
3. Cuddling!

Three things you want very badly at the moment:
1. A smaller house.
2. This is hard, ok, to go to the bathroom.
3. And to be thin.

Three animals you have or have had:
1. Georgio my first cat, orange tabby.
2. Jinx, my second cat, which for years was called my first baby. LOL I am glad that is not true.
3. Fritz and Freda, my hamsters while growing up who had 96 babies in one year, so cute.

Three things you ate/drank today:
1. Water
2. Water
3. Water (It is 7:51 A.M. no one has eaten anything here).

Three people you last talked to:
1. Charles
2. A couple at the Community Center
3.The girls.

Three things you're doing tomorrow:
1. Church
2. Going to the gym.
3. School with the girls.

Three favorite holidays:
1.Thanksgiving
2. My Birthday (even though I say I am done having them.)
3. ?

Three favorite beverages:
1. Water
2.Water
3. Green Tea

Three places you'd like to visit:
1. Jerusalem
2. Isreal
3. My dad's mom.

Three things that upset me today: (I am going with yesterday, nothing has upset me yet today)
1. Not getting up at 5 and going to the gym.
2. Not reading the Bible before my husband got home.
3. Having a morning apt. that interrupted school. ( I have to quit scheduling morning activities.)

Ok, so now I did it, how 'bout you??

Communion

2008-03-03T09:34:00.002-06:00

I posted a new Poll because I am not sure how I believe. Looking for some input and other scripture references to back beliefs. So how often should Communion be observed?

Months I would like to get rid of.

2008-03-03T09:06:00.003-06:00

Since the computer is on... LOL A good excuse to post an update, it is the beginning of another month. February has been a hard month for me for years. Lets see, November to January, February, April and May, can we just get rid of these months, LOL ok, how about just doing away with the reasons they create havoc in my life. I do not like celebrations, they are a cause for FOOD (that would be the reasons for not liking Nov. to Jan.) I must say February this year was wonderful except for the last @10 days. Usually it is the other way around. Society has made such a big deal about V day. I thank God for ridding my of the worldly thinking that comes with that day. I was a very peaceful day!

May, well, my Birthday is May 5th. I have said for the last year I am done having birthdays. And with some comments this last week. I do not like getting old!!!!!!!!! I can lose weight but I will never be a young girl again. I am an old lady. Oh, how sad. Yet, I thank God that I am who I am in Him. I do not have to rely on an 'man' or earthly thing on who I am. Praise God! I am so glad that God will supply all my needs according to His glory. I know without a doubt that God will get me through getting old, wrinkled, flabby (I can lose the weight, as I discovered last year, when I lose the weight I get really wrinkled, it is gross) and gray (which I do not mind until I am around young girls). I will not dye it. I guess we just need to find a church that has no teen agers. LOL

And April. Oh, how I want to get it over with. Last year the week before our anniversary I lost it. The day before our anniversary I cut all of my hair off (left it about 1/4 of an inch long). The day after I weighed my self 200! I was so excited I had not seen that figure for years, 10 or more years. I got scared out of my wits, the night of our anniversary I took the girls to McDonald's to eat and play. An old friend was there with his daughter, we talked, I was hit on. Did it feel good. Yes, those feelings scared me like I do not know how to explain. I started to eat again.

Now with an additional 50 lbs. I have many many reasons why I must lose the weight. There is glaucoma in the family blood. I have noticed a few changes over the years, so I am a bit concerned. Then Saturday night I went down stairs to check on the food, I lost vision in my right eye, it was like a line and on the bottom nothing nothing at all. I kept rubbing my eye and blinking no change. I was getting a bit scared then I reached the kitchen, turned on the light and all was fine again. I did some research online regarding glaucoma not much for non medical treatments. There was some mention regarding diet and exercise. So now when I eat I remember that blindness, and it is a HELP. All day Sunday I kept seeing like an eyelash in my eye, rub my eye nothing. A weird sensation. God has assured me that He will be there and get me through this. Can you imagine the thoughts satan is trying to throw at me? I must say this A.M. satan was starting to get the better of me, Praise God!!!! God gave me the help I needed!

I am still struggling with all the thoughts, yet I know that God really is the only one I need to tell and the only one I need to rely on. God is all I need. Dawn

Who I am in Christ!

2008-03-03T09:00:00.002-06:00

I so love God's timing. It was a weekend of challenges. God got me through it, I did not explode. I must say I came close this A.M. So, I turned on the computer to check my emails. A lady in my SOW yahoo group posted this, and again God was able to break down the walls that I put us this morning. I just so love God. He is my Jehovah-Nissi. He goes before and prepares a way. Knowing I would harden my heart and start going down the wrong road He put things in my path to tear them down and bring me back to where He wants my heart.

I am God’s child for I am born of the incorruptible seed of the Word of God
which lives and abides forever - 1 Peter 1:23
I am forgiven all my sins and washed in the blood - Eph. 1:7
I am a new creature - 2 Cor. 5:17
I am a temple of the Holy Spirit - 1 Cor. 6:19
I am delivered from the power of darkness and transformed into God’s kingdom
- Col. 1:13
I am redeemed from the curse of the law - Gal. 3:13
I am strong in the Lord - Eph. 6:10
I am holy and without blame before Him - Eph. 1:4
I am qualified to share in His inheritance - Col. 1:12
I am the head and not the tail; I am above only and not beneath - Deut.
28:13
I am circumcised with the circumcision made without hands - Col. 2:11
I am crucified with Christ - Gal. 2:20
I am raised up with Christ and seated in heavenly places - Col. 2:11
I am His faithful follower - Eph. 5:1
I am the light of the world - Matt. 5:14
I am the salt of the earth - Matt. 5:13
I am called of God - 2 Tim. 1:9
I am brought near by the blood of Christ - Eph. 2:13
I am more than a conqueror - Rom. 8:37
I am in Christ Jesus by His doing - 1 Cor. 1:30
I am an ambassador for Christ - 2 Cor. 5:20
I am beloved of God - 1 Thes. 1:4
I am the first fruits among His creation - James 1:18
I am born of God and the evil one does not touch me - 1 John 5:18
I am a king and a priest unto God - Rev. 1:6
I am a joint heir with Christ - Rom. 8:17
I am reconciled to God - 2 Cor. 5:18
I am overtaken with blessings - Deut. 28:2
I am healed by the wounds of Jesus - 1 Peter 2:24
I am in the world as He is in heaven - 1 John 4:17
I am a fellow citizen with the saints of the household of God - Eph. 2:19
I am sealed with the promise of the Holy Spirit - Eph. 1:13
I am complete in Christ - Col. 2:10
I am the apple of my Father’s eye - Ps. 17:8
I am free from condemnation - Rom. 8:1
I am the righteousness of God through Jesus Christ. - 2 Cor. 5:21
I am chosen - 1 Thes. 1:4
I am firmly rooted, built up, strengthened in the faith and overflowing with
thankfulness - Col. 2:7
I am a disciple of Christ because I have love for others - John 13:34-35
I am built on the foundations of the apostles and prophets, with Christ
Jesus Himself as the chief cornerstone - Eph. 2:20
I am a partaker of His divine nature - 2 Pet. 1:4
I am God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works - Eph. 2:10
I am being changed into His image - Phil. 1:6
I am one in Christ! Hallelujah! - John 17:21 - 23
I have all my needs met by God according to His glorious riches in Christ
Jesus - Phil 4:19
I have the mind of Christ - 1 Cor. 2:16
I have everlasting life - John 6:47
I have a guaranteed inheritance - Eph. 1:14
I have abundant life - John 10:10
I have overcome the world - 1 John 5:4
I have the peace of God which passes understanding - Phil. 4:7
I have access to the Father by one Spirit - Eph. 2:18
I can do all things through Jesus Christ - Phil. 4:13
I walk in Christ Jesus - Col. 2:6
I press toward the Goal for the prize of the high calling of God - Phil 3:14
I live by the law of the Holy Spirit - Rom. 8:2
I know God’s voice - John 10:14
I show forth His praise - 1 Peter 2:9
I always triumph in Christ - 2 Cor. 2:14
Christ is in me. The hope of Glory! - Col. 1:27
I am accepted in Christ - Eph. 1:6 I am
blessed - Deut. 28:1-14
I am a saint - Rom. 1:7
I am victorious - Rev. 21:7
I am dead to sin - Rom. 6:2, 11 I am
elect - Col. 3:12
I am loved with an everlasting love - Jer. 31:3 I am alive with
Christ - Eph. 2:5
I am established to the end - 1 Cor. 1:8
I am set free - John 8:31 - 33

Take the Test!

2008-02-21T17:59:00.001-06:00

61 words

Speed test

No computer?

2008-02-19T20:51:00.001-06:00

Yes, I have not turned the computer on since Thursday, no Friday to check something for my husband. It has been wonderful. Yes, I have missed reading my blogs and checking in with friends. But the freedom, I tend to get sucked in the computer and the temperature shows brrrr it is a -8 right now, I have no idea what the wind chill is but I know it is cold, the heater is having a hard time keeping the house warm. Praise God I am living now, I just cannot imagine how the Indians lived the winters back in the day with a tee pee. Or living on the prairie as a new homesteader. Thank God for piped in Natural gas, electricity, water. WOW! I am living like a king.

Last night we were watching a documentary about North Korea and China, the boarder area and the living conditions. We have it soooooo good. We really are a lazy nation and generation. Seeing what they have to do just to survive no wonder they put us 'lazy' Americans to shame when they come here.

I must say it did motivate me. I should be able to accomplish more, I do not have to fetch water to wash with, I do not have to scavenge for coal to heat my home. I do not have to go to the river to wash clothes or to barter to receive daily necessities. And I have a wonderful variety of food to eat, well, this might be one that would be best if I did not have, if I had a limited diet, well, I would not be overweight. It is amazing, with out all of our modern convinces, we would stay thinner (have to work more to just eat), we would be in better shape, and we would not have so much time for our minds to wonder on to wrong things. I think of all the challenges to stay pure with to much free time. I see it in the kids today. There really was a purpose to God having man to 'till' the land. When we keep busy with constructive activities there are more benifits than I can think of.

Should I drink?

2008-02-07T21:57:00.000-06:00

"First and foremost we ought to care about what the Lord thinks of us, but if you as a Christian say, "I don't care what people thing," you are either biblically untutored, living in carnality or just not thinking straight! (! Cor. 10:31-33)" Shelton Smith

1 Corinthians 10:31-33 "Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God. Give none offense, neither to the Jews, nor to the Gentiles, nor to the church of God: Even as I please all men in all things, not seeking mine own profit, but the profit of many, that they may be saved."

This is a big one to swallow. All may be ok for me to partake in, but might not be profitable. One of the first things that comes to my mind is raising children. My example to them for them. They do and will mimic all that I do. Oh, how I see this. At times I don't even know that they are watching. Here is an example. They figured out that I eat sweets only when my DH is out of the house, Boy, have they caught on. Not one word ever mentioned about it. So, I will catch my youngest sneaking treats, yet she has never once tried it when dad is home. What a bad thing I have taught her.

Now lets look at the first thing that comes to mind of 'outside' the home-Alcohol. So, what if I have birthday drink or a Christmas drink. Yes, there are times I would like a _____ _______. There are many ways of my children not knowing. But there would always be at least one other human that would know, the one I buy the alcohol from. And what type of witness would I pass on. It is only once maybe twice a year? I can come up with some good excuses and justifications. Yet, I know in my heart of hearts that I would be harming others, so I cannot enjoy that one drink. The pleasure would not justify the damage.

What about the virgin drinks? Now a virgin Penia Colata (I cannot even remember how to spell it) is good. With my eldest we would have them from time to time in the hot summer. Then my husband (boyfriend at the time) made a comment to the affect, training him to like alcohol at a young age? Did that ever hit home, they do taste just like the real thing with no alcohol. scary, I have not done that since. I do pray that my son forgot all about that. Dawn

Professing .....

2008-02-07T21:55:00.000-06:00

"There are too many professing Christians who content themselves with saying, "I was saved on a certain date." They do not go further in their confession. Their accomplishments are nothing. They have not grown or developed. They remain as babes in Christ." Lee Roberson

Goals for 2008

2008-01-31T15:46:00.000-06:00

Goals for 2008

I resolve never to do anything which I should be afraid to do if I expected it would not be more than an hour before I should hear the last trump.

Johnathan Edwards

Change-Become Consistent

a. Daily Bible Reading
b. Rely on God for everything. God is my reason for existence.
C. Weekly Bible Verse Memorization.
D. Daily Devotions
e. Daily Prayer Time-pray scripture.
f. Daily Post what I am Celebrating for the Day.

2. Marriage

g. Give it over to God and do not take it back.
h. Pray for Charles daily.
I. Service for my husband daily.
j. Keep my appearance up.
k. Pray for my marriage daily.
l. Let God do the work; keep my eyes on God and not the situations.
m. No pushing.
n. Speak words of praise, love encouragement daily.
o. Think before I talk, must become a way of life.

3. The Home

p. Taste
i. Good tasting food.
ii. Healthy food.
iii. No pushing or expecting family meal times.
iv. Family members eat only when hungry.
v. I do not need to eat 3 times a day.
vi. No packaged or processed foods.
q. Sight
i. Keep Clean.
ii. Do 15 min. a day in weekly area.
iii. Do 15 min. of maintenance cleaning daily.
r. Smell
i. Clean and fresh bathroom and carpets.
ii. air out house daily.
iii. Use frog and gas pills.
iv. fabreeze as needed.
s. Feel
i. Love
ii. Peace
iii. Discipline girls.
iv. train Girls
v. Praise
t. Sound
i. Laughter
ii. Praise
iii. Soft good music.
iv. Be appreciative
v. Well mannered, lady like.

4. Redeeming the Time

u. Weekly evaluate how I am spending my time.
v. Stay organized.
w. Use timer and keep to it.
x. Schedule things and keep to it.
y. Continue going to God for guidance on organization and what I should be or not be working on.

5. Become the mom God wants me to be.

z. School 5 days a week-Raven.
aa. Get the girls outside daily.
bb. read to the girls daily.
cc. Work on training the girls.
dd. Play with the girls daily.
ee. No nagging-just discipline.
ff. School 3 days a week - Cheyenne.

6. Lose Weight

gg. Eat only when hungry.
hh. Fast when eating gets out of control.
ii. Ask others to pray when eating is out of control.
jj. Water intake at 1/2 my body weight in water.
kk. Keep track of calorie, fiber, sodium and carb. intake.

ll. Exercise 30 min. a day.
mm. Watch portion control.

nn. Go to God for motivation.
oo. Weigh-in weekly, post.
pp. Do daily challenges.
qq. Take monthly measurements.
7. Journal

ss. Write in my spark journal daily-accountability.

8.House Work

tt. Daily Vacuum
uu. Morning routine, even on weekends.
vv. Evening routine, even on weekends.
ww. do dishes after each meal.
xx. Spend 15 min. a day deep cleaning the house.

9. Laundry

yy. Load a day.
zz. Ironing as needed.
aaa. Mending daily.

10. Hospitality

bbb. Do something hospitable weekly.
ccc. Raven and Cheyenne play date weekly.
ddd. Make a friendly phone call weekly.
eee. Visit someone weekly.

11.Computer Time

fff. I cannot be on the computer if I am not reaching my goals.
ggg. Recording time for journal, food, weigh in can only be done if have all my work done.
hhh. If I need something from the computer for school, do it and nothing else, then computer off.
iii. Computer cannot be on for more than 30 min. at a time. Even if I have all my work done, 30 min. accomplish something else than I can go back for another 30 min.

12. Craft Work

jjj. Spend some time daily.
kkk. Get one project finished a week/month.
lll. Teach the girls how to do things.

13.HomeSchooling

mmm. Prep. time for both girls.
nnn. Be sure to spend time working with Cheyenne.
ooo. Stick to the schedule.
ppp. Memorization weekly of scripture is a must.

Corruption

2008-01-31T11:25:00.000-06:00

In an earlier post I quoted J. C. Ryle I have given the quote some more thought and some scripture came to mind.

Ephesians 4:29 "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of our mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers."

Haggai 2: 12-14 "If one bear holy flesh in the skirt of his garment, and with his skirt do touch bread, or pottage, or wine, or oil, or any meat, shall it be holy? And the priests answered and said, No. Then said Haggai, If one that is unclean by a dead body touch any of these, shall it be unclean? And the priests answered and said, It shall be unclean. Then answered Haggai, and said, So is this people, and so is this nation before me, saith the LORD; and so is every work of their hands; and that which they offer there is unclean."

It just keeps going over and over in my mind. I want to change (my eating) so that I quit defiling my whole body. I know I need to change an attitude. I want to, yet part of me doesn't want to. How do I make myself completely change? I so struggle with this. I know I must eat right, I want to treat my body as the temple of God that it is. I feel so bad when I eat the wrong things or to much. It makes me miserable, yet, at times it is like an uncontrollable aspect with in to eat eat eat. Last night I was even dreaming about finding food to eat. Going through all of the cupboards and the frig. looking for what I could put together that would be sweet. You know it has to be bad when you dream about it. LOL I wonder how long I am I going to battle this?

So I was told that I had lost the fight.... How do I get that fight back, that desire. I realize that I cannot get it back. I have to get the strength from God. So I am going to keep praying, keep looking to God for my strength to do the right. As my dd prays "that ... will do the right and not the wrong, that ... will do God's way and not the devil's way." It is my prayer for myself. Dawn

2008-01-31T10:48:00.000-06:00

"I now think I am bound never to preach a sermon without preaching to sinners. I do think that a minister who can preach a sermon without addressing sinners does not know how to preach" -C.H. Spurgeon

Have you ever found this to be true? Why do you believe a 'preacher' would preach and not preach abuout sin?

Wordless Wednesday

2008-01-30T13:00:00.001-06:00

Ok, this is my first Wednesday participating in Wordless Wednesday . I know this is to be wordless, but I am going to tell about the picture. It has been labeled: PERSEVERANCE
Our pastor's wife took this picture summer of 2007. The sunflower has come back each year out of the crack in the black top and each year it gets bigger. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we all had this kind of perseverance? Dawn

Job Description- PARENT

2008-01-30T11:23:00.000-06:00

POSITION :
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION :

Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :

The rest of your life.

Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.

Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.

Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.

Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.

Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.

Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.

Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.

Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.

Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.

Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.

Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :

None.

Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :

None required unfortunately.

On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :

Get this! You pay them!

Offering frequent raises and bonuses.

A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent.

When you die, you give them whatever is left.

The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS :

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

** AND A FOOTNOTE "THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **

2008-01-25T19:01:00.000-06:00

“We corrupt the Word of God most dangerously, when we throw any doubt on the plenary inspiration of any part of Holy Scripture. This is not merely corrupting the cup, but the whole fountain. This is not merely corrupting the bucket of living water, which we profess to present to our people, but poisoning the whole well. Once wrong on this point, the whole substance of our religion is in danger. It is a flaw in the foundation. It is a worm at the root of our theology. Once allow this worm to gnaw the root, and we must not be surprised if the branches, the leaves, and the fruit, little by little decay. The whole subject of inspiration, I am well aware, is surrounded with difficulty. All I would say is, that, in my humble judgment, notwithstanding some difficulties which we may not be able now to solve, the only safe and tenable ground to maintain is this, “” that every chapter, and every verse, and every word in the Bible has been “˜given by inspiration of God.´ We should never desert a great principle in theology any more than in science, because of apparent difficulties which we are not able at present to remove.

~ J. C. Ryle, Warnings to the Churches (Edinburgh: Banner of Truth Trust, reprinted 1992), p.
31.

This quote reminds me of the message in Haggai. (Thank you Becca) for your blog on Haggai. Our ways, are they God's ways? How are we leading people? I challenge you to read Haggai pray fully. Dawn

Team work!

2008-01-24T23:53:00.000-06:00

A few weeks a home school mom got me to thinking about team work. She wanted her children involved in team sports so they could learn team work. My reply was that we teach team work at home and it follows through with the other areas of our lives. I felt happy about my response; the parent is responsible to teach a child team work.

Yet, something pricked my heart that there was something missing. So, I kept my eyes and ears open. Today in society there is a big push for 'team work'. It takes a village to raise a child, how to make a company work, sports, marriage 50/50, compromising, working together and etc. It all sounds nice and good. Basic godly principles. Helping each other, self sacrifice for the good of the whole. Yeah, that is biblical isn't it?

Then in my daily scripture reading I came to The Tower of Babel. Wow! Now isn't that team work, isn't that the way of the world. Isn't that the emphasis of today's generation. And God said NO! wrong. Cannot have this. So he confused their languages and the parted to all parts of the world.

Now I was really confused. Why would God not want us to work together? Are we not all one body in Christ? So I spent some time in prayer and waiting on the Lord. And one scripture in particular stood out, Colossians 3:23 " And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;"

Ah, with the Tower of Babel they were not doing it unto God, it was for self. Oh, yes things started to fall into place. Our focus has to be on God and God only. When our total focus is on God we will do the right. It may appear at times we are 'team working' but in actuality we are focusing on God not each other. Then the outcome will not have to be 'confused' by God. It will be to God's glory. Dawn

Strike

2008-01-24T23:35:00.000-06:00

"The greatest sit-down strike in the world is in those churches where those who claim to be saved have never yet become fishers of me." Robert G. Lee

Failure/Success

2008-01-24T23:31:00.000-06:00

"The reason why many fail in battle is that they wait until the hour of battle. The reason why others succeed is that they have gained their victory on their knees long before the battle came... Anticipate your battles; fight them on your knees before temptation comes, and you will always have victory." R.A. Torrey

Obsessions!!!!

2008-01-18T16:30:00.001-06:00

Do you have an obsessions? I sure do. I can 'conquer' one to only pick-up another. It is a terrible revolving bad habit. I am not quit sure how to conquer this bad habit. I am just so obsessive. And a terrible perfectionist. If I can not be perfect I do just the opposite and quit.

On ward and up ward. Back to the schedule. You know each time I decide to get on schedule and get a good start, satan is right there waiting ready to throw something at me. So I am going to start again, I am going to be prepared. And most importantly I am not going to let satan get me down. I may slip up, but I will not let the thoughts continue until I fail in every area of my life.

It is terrible to have to start over with everything time and time again. The scripture tells me I am a new creation. And with Jesus with-in the power to overcome is there-because Jesus already conquered and overcame. I just need to call upon the Lord and follow through. Greater is He that is with-in me. Ok, my pep talk for the day. Dawn

Quote

2008-01-18T16:28:00.000-06:00

“The gospel of Satan is not a system of revolutionary principles, nor yet a program of anarchy. It does not promote strife and war, but aims at peace and unity. It seeks not to set the mother against her daughter nor the father against his son, but fosters the fraternal spirit whereby the human race is regarded as one great ‘brotherhood.’ It does not seek to drag down the natural man, but to improve and uplift him. It advocates education and cultivation and appeals to ‘the best that is within us.’ It aims to make this world such a comfortable and congenial habitat that Christ’s absence from it will not be felt and God will not be needed.”

–-A.W. Pink (1886–1952)

Need a laugh?

2008-01-18T11:32:00.000-06:00

I just found this on someone's page and had to copy and paste.
Someone out there is deadly at Scrabble.

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:

WOMAN HITLER

2008-01-17T17:03:00.000-06:00

New Year

Dear Master,
For this coming year,
Just one request I bring,
I do not pray for happiness
Or any earthly thing.
I do not ask to understand
The way thou leadest me;
But this I ask—
Teach me to do
The things that pleasest thee
I want to know thy guiding voice
To walk with thee each day.
Dear Master,
Make me swift to hear
And ready to obey;
And thus the year I now begin
A happy year will be,
If I am seeking just to do
The things that pleaseth thee.

Author unknown

Marriage

2008-01-17T15:09:00.000-06:00

I have read some interesting books, blogs, and advice columns. The overall conclusion to 'fixing' marriage conflicts is man. Oh, how sad. When I read scripture I read that God is to do the 'fixing'. We are to go to God for our answers, He is our all in all. The Bible has all the answers. So then why does man desire to go to man for his answers? I believe it has more to do with --I want to be right, I know what is best for me, I cannot see God, God is not hear to discuss this with me, etc. And what is the common denominator, "I".

What happens when we get to much "I" in our lives? I can tell you because I happen to have this problem from time to time. We fall from what God wants for our lives, an one word answer, sin. Think of Peter walking on the water. He did fine as long as he kept his eyes on Jesus. Yet as soon as he took his eyes off of the Saviour he sank.

This is exactly what happens in our marriages. As long as we keep our focus on Jesus. Pleasing Jesus, our marriage will flourish. When we focus on pleasing our husband we will fall. Now I can hear some hollering stop! We were created to be our husbands help meets. Yes. "And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men(my husband);" Colossians 3:23. If every pleasing thing we do is done 'heartily' unto God first we will be in obedience unto God and unto our husbands. Remember not even our husbands know what is best for them. Now this is not to say that we know better than our husbands. It is to say that God knows what is best.

Lets say we have 3 things we desire to do to bless our husband today but not enough time, what do we do. We may prefer one, knowing our husband would prefer another. How do we decide? Pray and allow God to decide. That way we will truly be a blessing unto our husbands.

As you read the books, blogs, and advice columns look and see where their focus is. Do they bring you back to Jesus or do they lead you to believe that you can have the power to change situations?

Vices! And me venting.

2008-01-15T15:54:00.000-06:00

Oh, why does food have to be such a problem? I will get on track, then boom! I am off track again for a few days. Back on track then again BOOM! I am so tired of this roller coaster.

I pray and pray for God to help me. There are time I know God is helping me. I just don't understand. I think about Friday. I had gotten back on track Wednesday night with the eating. And been on track with daily devotions, daily scripture reading, daily prayer time. I had a goal set, a way to break this eating thing. If only I never had to eat again. Saturday morning comes along. I have to fix breakfast for the family. I prayed the whole time asking God to help me, I was so weak. Saturday morning is buffet breakfast at the house. Eggs, hash browns, bacon, saug., biscuits, sausage gravy, toast, juice, pancakes and corn beef hash. I could not do it, I tried to eat just one helping. I over ate again. I did manage to have that as my only meal Saturday. Sunday was carry-in meal at church, I blew it again. Pigged out. And have been eating ever since. I know if I could go say three weeks with only liquids I really believe I could break this. During the week I can cook things for the girls that are easy for me to refuse.

I am so at a loss. I am soooo weak. I have tried so many different ways, so many different programs. The wrong habits are so ground in. I am so tired of failing. Failure is something I have known all my life. And that is something I do want to change.

So eating right is the hardest habit I have ever attempted to change. As I think I think of the bad habits that I have been able to change and each of them are things that I could quit. Eating you cannot quit, it has to be controlled. I have even tried reading to the girls as they eat. Works great. But I cannot read while my DH is at the table or at church.

I have tried so many things, exercising daily, drinking water, writing lists, pictures, my daughter is a reminder, prayer, reading scripture. I have even been to the point that food turns my stomach. I do so good then something happens and that one meal will get me off track for days, weeks, months.

Will it ever stop? Is this to be the thorn in my side? Will God ever deliver me? Why am I to struggle with this so badly? How am I to pray differently? I realize it is a sin. I also know that true repentance will produce a change. I want to truly repent. I wonder what it is that I keep holding on to?

An Award!!!!

2008-01-08T10:37:00.000-06:00

I was wondering this morning what I could blog about, then I got a hint to check out a friends blog and what did I read?
Well this is hard for me to believe, I have received an award and such heart warming words with it. I am so very new to blogging I started to read some blogs about the same time as I started to blog.

There are several blogs I do check on about daily. I would like to pass on the Daily Dose to her, but she has already passed on the award to me. Becca's is the first blog I started to read and she is a wonderful true friend. Do you have one of those friends who will tell you the truth no matter what? A friend who is not afraid of what you will say about the truth, and the truth is God's truth. So I look forward to each blog she posts.

I will pass on the award to Domestic Felicity. I cannot remember how I found her blog. I find it so refreshing to read about an unmarried lady striving to all that God has created her to be with out all of the worldly poison that is out there.

There are several others that I enjoy checking in on. Two of my favorites are Amy's Place and Jessica's Journal.

I do enjoy learning seeing other blogs from like minded women. I am glad to have received this award to meet some of the godly women that are out there in the cyber world. Dawn

Who's Authority?

2008-01-05T00:34:00.001-06:00

I have watched an interesting movie Time Changer a Rich Christiano Film. (I do have a problem with the ending and they have him lie, why? oh, why? Ok, only the Bible is infallible.) The message in the beginning is so powerful. It is something like this, When you separate Jesus from His teachings (that would be just teaching good morals) you take the authority out-Jesus' authority. the two cannot be separated. Now here is the lines that have had me thinking "It would be better to not tell a boy not to steal if one cannot tell him the authority. Then at a later time the boy would have a better chance to see a need for a savior. Satan is not against good morals-he is against the authority-Jesus."

The more I think about this I can see why the church is so corrupt. The authority has even been taken out of many churches today. It has been taken out of schools, courts, they are trying to take God's authority out of every aspect of life. It has happened so simply.

It reminds me of my teen years. I got fed up with hearing about God. I told my parents I didn't want to hear another word about God, not another reason why I cannot do this or that because of what the Bible said. Can you believe it they said ok. As I look back to my growing up that has to be about the saddest day. I won. It was not because I won but because of who they were willing to deny. They kept to it, God was not mentioned around me unless I brought up the subject. My dad did still preach about God in church as if nothing happened. Yet God was basically removed from the house. I then fell deep into drugs, alcohol and sex. I can still hear my dad giving reasons and examples of why I could not do this or that without giving me the authority-God.

At times I can see it in my child training. I am so glad that God will point it out and show me the err of my ways. Only then can I start to do the right. I praise God for not giving up on me, for not turning His back on me. Only by the blood of Jesus my Lord and Savior am I saved. God grace for not giving me what I deserve. A gift so freely given. I pray that I will never ever deny God for any possible reason. Dawn

Words....

2008-01-05T00:07:00.000-06:00

Before I started to type I had a nice white page. Just like relationships, before talking is started it is fresh air. No backspace, no delete buttons, so what does one say. Small talk, weather, family, politics, church, after a while you run out of things to say. Then what? Well, several scriptures come to mind, so many in Proverbs regarding, well, quiet. A fool is thought wise with his mouth shut. Most times few words is best. That has been a hard one for me to accept. At first, I didn't think I could possible be a fool. Was I wrong. Further reading is Proverbs has shown me my foolish ways. There have been situations in the last 6 months to put this no word is better than a word to test. I did not like the results. God's word was right again. No word is better than a word.

I can remember a hard time in my marriage, I would have to pray for hours to keep my mouth shut for 5 minutes. The world today is so full of words, useless words. What really is small talk? Yes, God has been showing me what not to say. Now He is guiding me into a new journey, one where He teaches me what to say and when. Dawn

What convicts you?

2008-01-04T23:45:00.000-06:00

Well I will tell you what convicts me the most, the Holy Spirit working in my heart. I would have to say the strongest convictions have been through scripture. Two scriptures get me the most. When reminded of them I will stop dead in my steps. Or like tonight, my arm stopped dead in mid air from carrying food to my mouth. As I was feeding my face I was reading something that mentioned the following verse.

Hebrews 10:26 "For if we sin willfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins,".

I am grateful that God will not let me forget that my over eating is a sin. Now to bend my will to God's.

The other scripture that can cut me to the core is Luke 6:46 "And why call me Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?"

I know at times I have tried to convict others, telling them the truth, showing scripture. Yet, if they do not want to know the truth nothing but the Holy Spirit is able to get through them. I believe that is why scripture tells us to pray about a matter before going to them. Only God knows the right timing, only the Holy Spirit can prepare the heart. When I step out of line, people do get offended. Oh, but it can be so hard to wait. 'I want' to say something right away, I just might forget. Isn't that the way with us humans. We want things now. God in His awesome know all knows that waiting is such a blessing.

I am sure there are times that waiting is not a necessity. I think of all the scriptures talking about Jesus going off by Himself to pray. He did spend a lot of time in pray with His Heavenly Father. What an example. He was prayed up and ready for the upcoming situations. Now to learn to turn to my Heavenly Father more, spending more time with Him than thinking about 'situations'. I really see how the 'situations' would work themselves out. And if a word was necessary, God would give it in due time.

Resolutions

2008-01-02T23:53:00.000-06:00

It is the beginning of the year. Time to put my resolutions to ink, scratch that, to the cyber world.

Read through the Bible Genesis to Revelations.

Meet my neighbors. (This is a mental Goliath, we have live in this house 4+ years, I do not know any names of my neighbors.)

Respecting my body as God's Holy Temple.

Eating right
Exercise
Fresh air and sun shine, minimum of 15 min. a day. Running errands does not count.

Regular play dates for the girls.

I am going to stop here. As these become habit then I can add others. The first one is the only one that does not scare me. I am all tense right now thinking of the things to do. Cannot I just stay at my computer, do I have to get out and socialize. Don't get me wrong I enjoy spending time with humans in person. I am just so scared that I will say or do something wrong. I remember Jr. High. I was on fire for God. I took my Bible to school with me, preached at kids, well, I turned people away or something. I was way to gun ho. That was 7th grade. A lot changed in 8th grade. Anyway, I get nervous then I ramble on about anything with or without a point. No delete/backspace button. A word spoken cannot be taken back. Ok, deep breath. God will get me through this, step by step. This is all part of the journey of becoming the Woman God has created me to be. Dawn

It's a New Year...

2008-01-02T23:27:00.000-06:00

Praise God! I have made it through another year. I have to say I did increase my Bible reading and scripture study time considerably! As God has promised, being in His Holy Word I reap the benefits.

About 1 1/2 years ago God pressed on my heart about my dress code. LOL And last year with several situations it became apparent I need to look and act more like a lady. Yet, I did not fully submit to God's calling. Oh, I wanted to but I kept coming up with these great excuses. During the winter it was the cold. (Oh, and some sweet ladies who wear dresses told me what to do, I just refused to try). Well a few weeks ago we went to an auction, in the snow and cold. I wore my long-johns under my tights and my long heavy jean skirt. The girls wore their snow pants and got cold, I could hardly believe how warm I kept. LOL I was laughing at myself. I really felt warmer than I did when I wore jeans in that weather. For about a month now I have been wearing dresses and skirts. Now don't go and think I am such a great person for making this step. I gained back the weight I had lost, and as I had lost the weight I got rid of my 'fat' clothes. I didn't have anything but skirts that I could fit into. I did look, I refused to pay cash for 'fat' clothes, and all God provided was skirts and dresses.

During this time, the thought of purchasing pants crossed my mind. I had not felt God impressing on me to make the dress code change any more. Then I heard the wonderful gentle Holy Spirit talking to me. Don't you just love how gentle and yet commanding He can be. Well, I was told, 'I told you to do it. I do not need to repeat or keep telling you what to do. ' I remembered what my Grandpa (who died when I was 9) always told me, "Dawn, Obey the first time." So all this time I have been in rebellion. Yuck. I wonder, if I had obeyed the first time would other situations been easier to handle. Hum... Well, today I removed my pants from the house (except two pairs of sweats I use to exercise in, I am still to big to not have clothing between my thighs when I exercise, and my long-johns -I figure long-johns have to be ok, under a skirt.) Writing this I am wondering about the sweats, well time will tell.

I do pray that God will do what ever to help me obey. And God was faithful again. He was patient, gave me more than enough time to obey. You know I would have thought the eating thing would have taken priority. Yet, God used my overeating to get me to be obedient in another area. It sure does impress upon me to obey the first time. During this situation several things that God has told me to do and I have not done have come to mind. They do push me out of my comfort zone, even scare me a bit. I am going to have to trust in God to give me what I need to obey. He has promised He will.

So, any great hostess' out there? I will heed your suggestions. Dawn

Being Tested!

2007-12-28T00:22:00.000-06:00

Well I wanted to update. That day went fairly well. Yet he found longterm ways to make himself feel better and cause problems. Here it is almost a week later and we are still deprogramming our 6 yr. old regarding things he said to her on the way to WY. How I really failed the test was after we got home. About 10:15 pm that evening I went to turn on my computer. Well, he cut the keyboard, mouse, speaker and microphone cords. I told my DH, he knew nothing could be done at that moment so he just went to sleep. You guessed it, I really popped. I made some phone calls. The worst part to me is, it has been this way with this kid since I have known him, he never gets in trouble for the things he destroyed of mine. I have lost hundreds of $.... ok, I am going off again thinking of what he gets away with. My fury is the only discipline he ever got when he would wrong me.

Well after the phone calls I just sat there in the kitchen ready to cry. God, Why does he always get away with harming me and my family. So God reminds me that vengeance is His. He also calmly and very lovingly reminded me I must forgive him, if I do not He can not forgive me. Wow! It is times like these that the power of God is the only way I can get through things. All my life I have not been one to drop things, I keep running my mouth until 'justice' is served(that is until I feel justice has been served). So I had to really pray, asking God to give me the power to forgive him and to love him. So I sat there and God brought so many things of my past to reimburse, things I did to other that I have not made right. Yes, to all of those people I have been getting my just desserts. LOL As these things came to mind God reminded me of the servants the one who was forgiven and demanded to be repayed for less than he was forgiven for. Wow! It is so amazing how the Holy Spirit works. It was a peaceful conviction of my actions. It was a wonderful time with my Heavenly Father. He was so patient, loving, compassionate in His way of helping me got to the place He wanted my Heart. So after a while I was able to calmly quietly go up stairs and go right to sleep. Such wonderful sweet peace.

So, are you wondering how I am able to type all of this. Well pastor let me take home his keyboard.

Now my goal is to learn to never react, to stay calm and allow the Holy Spirit guide my actions.

Getting Back on Track

2007-12-21T10:14:00.000-06:00

About a year ago I decided to change my eating habits. It worked for only a season. Needless to say in the last two months I have gained it all back and then a few pounds. It is so frustrating for me. I really lost the weight in about two months, and the rest of the time see sawed back and forth over 5 lbs. Then we came home from Wyoming and I ate out of control. I pray and pray about it. I know my over eating is a sin. I pray that this sin would grieve my heart as it grieves God's heart.

Amazingly enough last night something broke with in me. First day in days I can remember not eating any chocolate nor craving it. I was also in the grocery store and didn't even want to look for a snack. Praise God. I know it was His working that allowed that to happen.

It has been a mental battle for me. Getting over the ideas about what to eat, how much to eat, eating what I want to eat, etc. My DH does not share the same desires for types of foods. SO that has been my biggest mental obstacle. I want to eat high protein low carbs, which at this time means fixing me a separate meal to obtain this. All the time hearing God say, if food is fixed that does not fit the high protein low carb, don't eat, or just eat what is acceptable and leave the other food for the rest of the family. My flesh has said NO WAY! This is the flesh I am going to crucify.

Physically and mentally I cannot keep going on like this. I must eat the way God wants me to eat. Scripture has said that God will make a way of escape and that God will not give us more than we can handle. Scripture also tells us that with Christ Jesus within us we have the power to overcome because Jesus over came satan at the cross. The battle has already been won. I must believe God's Holy Word and trust the Holy Spirit to lead and guide me.

Then this morning's test starts. Normally I would be in the kitchen looking for a way to make a delicious sugar treat. But I have no desire to do that. Praise God. And I must say it has to be God that I do not have that desire. Dawn

Being Tested!!!!

2007-12-21T09:57:00.001-06:00

Today is one of those roller coaster days. Up until last night all thought Grandpa was coming. God has had a different decision. Storm in Wyoming closing roads and he cannot leave. SO, we are going to leave sometime this afternoon praying by the time we get to the closed roads they will be open. The test, is the 16 yr old with a bad attitude, trying to get me to react. My dear Husband has instructed me for no reason am I to talk to him, not one word, quietly leave the house if I have to. I have got so much to do if I am going to get us ready to leave. Days like this....... Anyway I will quietly listen to his blaring music, did I say quietly. It is as if the radio is right here in the room and he is in the basement. Ok, I don't think we will get much school if any done today. The upside. When he is gone we will not have any of these roller coaster days. The worst part is the kid is willing to go if grandpa comes and gets him. So he will be willing to do anything to get me to react so he can blame me for running and not leaving.

I do praise God. Some of the scripture I was reading last night rememinded me of the power that is with in. And the power of angels. I am sure angels are around. I am going to trust in God to get me through this. He is all powerful, all knowing, just, faithful, and most importantly God loves me so much (unconditionally) that he loves me enough not to leave me the way I am.

Dawn

Looking for Jesus

2007-12-19T15:32:00.000-06:00

Looking for Jesus

If you are looking for Jesus at Christmas,
You won't need a special star-
He is no longer just in Bethlehem,
He is right there where you are.
You may not be aware of Him amid the celebrations-
You'll have to look beyond stores and all the decorations.
But if you take a moment from your list of things to do
and listen to your heart,
You'll find He is waiting there for you.
You're the one He wants to be with,
You're the reason that He came,
And you'll find Him in the stillness
As He is whispering your name.

The Modernist Preacher Entering Hell

2007-12-19T15:22:00.000-06:00

He was an ordained minister, but modern in his views.
He preached his twisted doctrines to people in the pews.
He would not hurt their feelings, whate'er the cost would be,
But for their smiles and friendship and compliments sought he.
His church was filled with wicked souls that should be saved from sin,
But never once he showed the way or tried a soul to win.
He preached about the lovely birds that twitter in the trees,
The babl'ing of the running brooks, the murm'ring of the seas.

He quoted fancy poetry that tickled list'ning ears
When sorrow came to some, he tried to laugh away their tears.
His smooth and slipp'ry sermons made the people slide to hell.
The harm he did by preaching goes beyond what we can tell.
He took our Holy Bible, and preached it full of holes,
The Virgin Birth, said he can't be believed by honest souls,
The miracles of Jesus and the resurrection tale
For educated ones like us, today, cannot avail.
We're living in an age, said he, when wisdom rules and reigns,
When man's intelligence is great and superstition wanes.

He said, we're all God's children who live upon this earth,
No message of salvation, no need of second birth.
His coat was bought with money that he had wrongly gained,
For through his twisted sermons his wealth he had obtained.
He was just like the Roman soldiers that watched at Jesus' grave,
For money in abundance, to them, the people gave;
It all was theirs by telling what was a sinful lie -
A resurrected Savior, they, too, were to deny.

The day at last had come for the minister to die,
When to his congregation, he had to say good-bye.
His form lay cold and lifeless, his ministry was past,
His tongue with all its poison was hushed and stilled at last.
His funeral was grand; he was lauded to the skies-
They preached him into heaven where there are no good-byes.
Upon the lonely hill, underneath the shady trees,
His form was laid to rest in the whisp'ring of the breeze.

A tombstone was erected with words: "He is at rest,
He's gone to heaven's glories to live among the blest."
His body now is lifeless, but Ah! His soul lives on,
He failed to enter in where they thought that he had gone.
The letters on the tombstone or that sermon some had heard,
Could not decide his destiny, 'twas not the final word.
He still had God to deal with, the one who knows the heart;
While others entered heaven, he heard the word, "Depart."

He pauses for a moment upon the brink of hell;
He stares into a depth where he evermore will dwell.
He hears the cries and groanings of souls he had misled,
He recognizes faces among the screaming dead.
He sees departed deacons which he had highly praised.
Their fingers pointing at him as they their voices raised:
"You stood behind the pulpit, and lived in awful sin,
We took you for a saint, but a liar you have been."
Accusing cries! He hears them, "Ah! You have been to blame,
You led us into darkness when you were seeking fame."

"You preached your deadly doctrine, we thought you knew the way.
We fed you and we clothed you, we even raised your pay.
You've robbed us of a home where no tear-drops ever flow,
Where days are always fair and the heav'nly breezes blow.
Where living streams are flowing, and saints and Angels sing,
Where every one is happy, and Hallelujahs ring.
We're in this place of torment, from which no soul returns;
We hear the cry of lost ones, we feel the sizzling burns;
Give us a drop of water, we're tortured in this flame;
You failed to preach salvation to us through Jesus' Name."

The preacher turns in horror, he tries to leave the scene,
He knows the awful future for every soul unclean,
But there he meets the devil, whom he has served so well,
He feels the demon powers as they drag him into hell.
Throughout eternal ages, his groans, too, must be heard-
He, too, must suffer torment-he failed to heed God's Word.
He feels God's wrath upon him, he hears the hot flames roar,
His doctrine now is different, he ridicules no more.

By Oscar C. Eliason, c1960

Who is leading the churches?

2007-12-19T13:17:00.000-06:00

I think of Matthew 15:13-14 " But he answered and said, Every plant, which my heavenly Father hath not planted, shall be rooted up. Let them alone: they be blind leaders of the blind. And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch." I really think most 'Christian colleges' are just blind leaders leading the blind. If a man is called to serve God, goes to a 'Christian college' and learns false teachings. Where does this leave the 'people'?

Having grown up in a ministers home and my dad was a presperter (fancy name for head minister of all the ministers in a district) which also put him on the board for ordaining ministers in our state. All this to say not only have I witnessed this with my own eyes but have also heard my dad talk about the compromises colleges and church denomination's have been making to put ministers in the pulpit. The worst part of all of this is that this has been going on for so long the 'church' doesn't see it happening, they don't even realize they are being lead by the blind. They are so blind. Man has been putting his trust in man for so long where can one find a 'man' that can be trusted?

I want to say this world yet I am going to be more specific. America revolves around the all mighty dollar. If a Bible college is going to make it it needs money. And if a Bible college asks for federal $, well the answer there is obvious, God will be taken out of the college in no time at all. I believe Harvard is a good example. So I can see and understand this way of demise. How many churches compromise doctrine to get people in the doors. Hay! Where do you think those pastors got that idea? Yes, most Bible colleges teach how to get people into your church. Now is that biblical?

Now I want to know how do we reverse this process? Or do we? Do we need to go down another path to find leadership to follow? And what is that path? Who (man) can we trust?

How do I read the Bible?

2007-12-19T13:03:00.000-06:00

Well the question is not 'how to read' but how am I reading the Bible? Am I reading the Bible to find scripture to support my way of thinking or am I reading the Bible to really find out what God has to say about a subject.

This is a serious concern of mine. Really, how do I know when I search out the scripture that I am searching for God's answers and not support to believe the way I want to believe. I see so many people using scripture to get what they want out of life. There are so many examples, how can I use one without getting into a debate. So I will just leave it here. I pray Dear Heavenly Father, each time I search your Holy Word that I put aside my ideas, and my desires. That I will allow Your Holy Word to search my soul and feed me the Bread of Life You have for me. Oh, God, I pray that I will always follow the Holy Spirit's lead as to the interpretation and not to allow any earthly man to out way Your Holy Spirit's direction and teaching. In Christ Jesus' name. Amen.

The Bible is it all I need?

2007-12-10T00:08:00.001-06:00

Have you ever read the first pages in a Gideon Bible? The other day our pastor gave us a copy. It really has a lot to say about the Bible.

"THE BIBLE contains the mind of God, the state of man, the way of salvation, te doom of sinners, and the happiness of believers. Its doctrines are holy, its precepts are binding, its histories are true, and its decisions are immutable. Read it to be wise, believe it to be safe, and practice it to be holy. I contains light to direct you, food to support you, and comfort to cheer you.

It is the traveloer's map, the pilgrims staff, the pilot's compass, the soldier's sword, and the Christian's charter. Here Paradise is restored, Heaven opened, and the gates of hell disclosed. CHRIST is its grand subject, our good the design, and the glory of God its end.

It should fill the memory, rule the heart, and guide the feet. Read it slowly, frequently, and prayerfully. It is a mine of wealth, a paradise of glory, and a river of pleasure. It is given you in life, will be opened at the judgment, and be remembered forever. It involves the highest responsibility, will reward the greatest labor, and will condemn all who trifle with its sacred contents."

A dear sister in Christ who has gone on to be with Him summed up the Bible in one word-"COME." For some time in my life I always went looking for a book to help me understand scripture. A book to put the Bible in to 'English' for me. Yet, Praise God, a faithful God a just God a God of grace and mercy has come to show me first hand that all I need is the Bible. How to allow the Holy Spirit guide and direct my reading and interpretation of His Holy Word.

I find commentaries a tend to put God in a box, they really are just a man's interpretation. I am not saying they have not the Holy Spirit, I am saying that scripture has made it clear scripture is all a man needs to find God and to stay with God. If we are willing to submit to God He will show us His truth.

Chain Prayer letters. Why?

2007-12-01T14:18:00.000-06:00

I normally delete any chain email I get. Most of the time I do not even read them. Today I received one from an fellow home schooler and it just nagged at me. Having some free time I decided to my reasoning down.

Romans 12:2 “And be not conformed to this world:" Is not chain letters/prayers/emails like this being conformed to the world? Do some searches within very secular groups (I have) you will see this as a very common practice among the 'heathen'. Matt. 6:7 "But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking."

We can and must go straight to our High Priest-JESUS. Hebrews 4:14-16 14 Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession. 15 For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. 16 Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need."

Jesus tells us to go to our closet and pray. Matt. 6:6 "But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly. It is a private matter."

Jesus taught how to pray. Luke 11:2 "And he said unto them, When ye pray, say, Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, as in heaven, so in earth."

Acts 6:4 But we will give ourselves continually to prayer, and to the ministry of the word. (Notice no mention of 'having' to let others know or 'having' to have a group.)

Matt. 17:20 “And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.” Why then does someone need to participate with one of these for a ‘mountain’ to be removed.

Yes, we are to pray for others. Romans 12:4 " For as we have many members in one body, and all members have not the same office:" If we have the same office and same body, should we just know that we must pray for each other.

Matt. 5:44 "But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;"

My question is why do we have to follow ‘mans’ directions for a prayer to be answered? Matt. 21:22 And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive. So why then do I have to follow this format for my prayer or someone else’s pray to be answered. Colossians 3:23 “And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;” Is participating in one of these unto man or God?

These emails/letters/prayers also lead people to believe that they must participate for their prayers to be answered. It may happen, but is it of God? Matt. 7:22-23 “ Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? 23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.” And when one of these ‘prayers’ are answered who gets the glory? Remember Deut. 5:9 “…for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God,…”

2007-11-23T14:41:00.001-06:00

D	Dainty
A	Appreciative
W	Worldly
N	Nerdy

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

I found this idea from another blogger. I am not to sure about the Worldly. Maybe.....this is a way to let me know what I need to work on. Nor have I ever been associated with dainty. Dawn

What will I obey?

2007-10-29T14:33:00.000-05:00

Why do we pick and choose what we will obey.

Excuse 1: It goes back to our child-rearing. Were we taught to obey the first time every-time? I know I was not. So then habits set in. "Bad habits are like a comfortable bed...Easy to get into, but hard to get out of!" (quote from daughters phonics book).

Excuse 2: Now we are adults, we should know better.

Excuse 3: Society has also taught us to break contracts (promises). Remember many years ago a hand shake was good enough (I believe what has happened with the Indians is enough proof that a man's word is no good, and accepted). In Bible days a man's word was enough. Now a person needs a 20, 30 page maybe more contract that has to have every loop hole figured out. Then again there was Pres. Clinton with, well, I will not go any further, I am sure you all got my point. Satan has so infested man kind accepting and doing what we should do does not feel right, is unnatural. It really takes some getting used to.

Excuse 4: Think back to when you were first saved. You had the motivation and the desire to do what is right. But there were some issues that came up that raised a question. Some maybe even years later you discover that it really was God telling you to do this or that, but, Satan had such strongholds on your life that you didn't think it was the right thing to do, or maybe the ability to stand up against the flow to do the right. (This is really the only one that I see validity in, strongholds-are spoken of in scripture).

Excuse 5: And my favorite 'excuse' for us all. How many ministers out there are willing to preach on sin. That is not the way to fill the seats, and empty seats does not pay the bills. Many would and do lose their jobs for preaching the truth. And their excuse-that is what I was taught in seminary. Has anyone done a study of the decline in seminaries?

I say 'excuse' because we have to stand up before God for all of our decisions and I do not see God accepting the fact my minister (etc) didn't tell me. We are responsible to read the scripture for our selves.

So after saying all of this I will give a one word answer: SELFISHNESS

Leading or being Lead?

2007-10-27T00:25:00.000-05:00

I find it so amazing how God leads. So many times I do not realize I am being lead in a certain direction until God has me where He wants me to be. And at that moment we are off on another journey.

For years I questioned how do I hear God. How do I know it is Him speaking to me. So many different voices how do I know which one is God. Now I ponder how to I teach it to my children? I know it is the voice that is telling me to do the right--the truth. Ah, the closer to God's word and the closer I am to God the more I know His voice. Yet, why could not I be told in plain English. If you cannot hear God's voice, you do not know God.

Ok, you got me. God's word does say it very simply.

John 10:2-5 2But he that entereth in by the door is the shepherd of the sheep. 3To him the porter openeth; and the sheep hear his voice: and he calleth his own sheep by name, and leadeth them out. 4And when he putteth forth his own sheep, he goeth before them, and the sheep follow him: for they know his voice. 5And a stranger will they not follow, but will flee from him: for they know not the voice of strangers.

Why then could I not understand Gods word when so plainly put?

John 8:42-45 Jesus tells us that when we are children of the devil we cannot understand. The understanding is a gift of God to be reveled unto us by the Spirit. (I Cor. 2)

Well then how do I receive this gift?

I must belong to God. I must be one of the sheep. I must be God's child.

How do I become one of His sheep?

Jesus has said "I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, by by me." John 14:6

"Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house." Acts 16:31

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. Fr God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of hte only begotten Son of God." John 3:16-18

My next question is how do I believe? Is it really that simple, Jesus was beaten, bruised, crucified for me? I just have to believe and all the promises are mine? Why would a God so great and powerful do all that for me?

Am I a Deborah?

2007-10-25T14:37:00.000-05:00

Women in leadership. That is a mouth full. Before I go on I would like you to realized this subject has been in my thoughts since a child. The year I was born my aunt went to be a missionary and now teaches at a seminary. My MIL was an evangelist, married my FIL knowing he was against it and she has been battling him on wanting her own ministry again.

I believe that most women today what(and that word is the key word-want) to be Deborah. They forget why woman was created. Genesis 2:18 "And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him."

Our first position as a woman is to the man. I believe women of today do not want to take the Bible as a whole for context. They just want to pick one or two scriptures and build upon that.

At the time of Deborah people were very wicked. As a woman I really would not want credit for winning the battle because the male leader did not have faith. Judges 4:8-9. I just think of Barak as a wimp, has to have a woman escort him. What does that show for the condition of the nation. So, women want to use that as their excuse for leading. And so many husbands just sit back and let it go. Why is that?

Is not it more admirable to wait on the Lord, stand back out of the light and let God work in the lives of the 'men' who do not take leadership. Is not God a jealous God? Does not he want credit for himself? When women step up to the plate and do not wait upon the Lord, they really are telling God 'you are taking to long', or 'you don't know what is best'. Oh, how our impatience comes out in full.

This is a cycle I see happening in families. For what ever reason a husband has to be gone from the home.The man delegates authority to the wife for while he is gone. Then the husband comes home expecting to be king of his castle again. But the woman has had a taste of power-authority. Not thinking, she keeps going just as if he was gone, she is used to the new routine. What will the husband do with this conflict take back what is rightfully his or give in for peace? Men have willingly given up authority for generations and women have willingly taken it. Now we are to the point of so much has changed, from the way God created it to be, no one can remember the way it should be.

God gave us the chain of command: God--husband-wife. When we over step there are complications (a question is For how many generations?). Yes, God is the maker of good from bad. And I believe that is just what God did with Deborah. She followed God's leading. So how is God leading me? Dawn