My Testimony

I was saved as a young child. I remember taking my Bible to school. Oh, how I wanted to tell the whole world that Jesus loved them. I also remember the day I denied Christ and decided that I wanted friends not Jesus as my friend. For the next several years I lived the way I wanted to live. Going to church professing to be a Christian, going forward for prayer, rededicating my life to Jesus every year at camp, giving testimonies that from this day forward I was going to live for Jesus, then Monday morning I would go back to living for satan. I was a Sunday Christian. Those days I know I said yes many times, wanted the benefit of being saved and a child of the King, yet my heart was not in it. I refused to totally give in. I remember partying and knowing if I died that very moment I would go to hell. There was no question in my mind. I was not giving up my friends, my life style for Jesus. So many nights not able to sleep because I did not want to die.

It was not until I was pregnant with my eldest son, June 27th, 1993 that I finally gave in and said ok, God I will do it your way. I was finally willing to give up my will to God and change-allow God to change me. It was a battle that night. I think mom and I talked until 3 A.M. that Sunday morning. It happened to be fathers day that Sunday. Mom woke dad up to tell him the good news.

Yes, the next 7 years were a real trial, a real up and down. I have failed Christ many times since then. I still played games with God. I had two more children out of wed lock, knowing it was wrong. Yet I always had the idea in the back of my mind that I can just ask God to forgive me and I will be all right. I was intentionally sinning. It was not much of a commitment to God, I was hanging by a thread.

It was the Wednesday before Easter March, 2002. I went off,and packed up my two children and left the family. Now the worst time to come and yet the best time of my life. Worse because there are many many bad seed that has been harvested and still harvesting from that night. Best, because it forced me closer to God. Again I deepened my commitment to God during those long nights and days as a single mom raising 2 children and losing a child. That is when I started to learn to truly trust in God. Putting my faith to action. It was a long 20 months.

It is funny, in looking back at the different stages of my life I can see how God worked in my life. I can see the change, yet during each different stage I cannot see the changes.

No one or nothing can separate God's love from you. But you can remove yourself from Him. You can choose NO. You can choose Yes. God is just there waiting for you to make up your
mind.