Taking up my cross....

I have returned from a night walk. For those that do not know- I walk at night when I am very upset. A time to talk with God and walk out my frustrations. The longer the walk = the amount of time it takes for me to give in to God. LOL that sounds funny. Not that God is arguing, pleading, demanding or anything else like that. The amount of time it takes me to

do I have to say that word

Ok! Submit to God's will. There I said it. Yes, it is not an easy thing for me to do. Yet I do look forward to the day that I will submit with the 'hard' things before I have to take a walk. FYI my walk tonight was only about 1 mile. Short in comparison to the norm 4 miles.

Loneliness and rejection are two feeling I have know since, well, conception. Neither of my parents wanted me so I was put up for adoption. Yes, I can remember being 13 again and deciding that God was not for me, way to lonely, I wanted friends. My parents say I changed like night and day. And again I have been allowing my loneliness to guide my actions. All the time God is right there, He never left me. Oh, but I wanted man, you know some thing you can see and feel, not knowledge, not promises from a God that has never broken a promise. Writing that I realize how silly my desires really are. I want someone (human-who is not perfect) to be there for me. LOL All humans fail others at one time or another.

Have you ever seen the movie 'Passions of the Christ'? So vivid (yes, some incorrect truths and whats up with that satan?), what a memory in my brain. The turning point of my walk tonight was realizing Jesus went through the same things. I believe I am safe in saying it was worse what he went through. The rejection, denial of His closest and dearest followers, the ones He confided in. And on top of that He had to listen to the lies. He succeeded and He can and will get me through this. I have to allow Him to, I have to give up my desire-and allow Jesus to be the one comforting me, caring for me, loving me. Oh, remembering what He did for me how can I not want Him at my side. How could I not think that His love is not enough.

It is amazing how time and time again we deny Christ yet deceiving our selves that we are not.

Death

I would really like to bury this weight. It has been a week since I last exercised and did it ever make a difference, it really curbed my appetite. Not only death to the extra weight I carry but to that lifestyle and attitudes. As our family attended a funeral today I was so reminded how my decisions for the moment make such a difference. In the last few days God has been pointing out to me to look to the future and not for the moment. Here is an example: Today we got two free box's of chocolate chip cookie dough. I bring them in to check them out, looks good, tastes good. Yes, I had my fingers in the dough right away. And the whole time God is reminding me that His temple does not require sugar of this sort. LOL He did word things a bit different, but the message was the same. Yes, it was enough to get my fingers out of the dough. Now the girls and a friend of theirs are cooking up three tubs, Praise God, tomorrow night is a Pizza Party at church and the cookies will go. But that really is not the way I need to be looking at this trial. When I desire sugar I need to turn to the Lord and all allow God to fill that emptiness. Yes, the world would label me an emotional eater. I label lack of faith.

Now back to the funeral. What would my advice be to the family: Give your life over to God and totally relay on God to get you through this day by day. Wow! What a hit to me, with eating I do not even take my own advice. So during the funeral I prayed God give me a reminder (something tangible) to help me keep my eye's on the ultimate goal -serving God. Not the moment, not how I am feeling right now but how will my action right now affect the future. God is so faithful! Before we left God answered my prayer, I was given a small gift-a flower pen. God not only answers prayers He looks at the whole scope of things. You see day time - school time happens to be the hardest time of day for me to keep focused. We have gotten into a pretty good routine so things are going smoothly. And my thoughts wonder to this or that - getting my eyes off of Jesus and my purpose to be on this earth. So a pen is perfect. ( I do not believe that an object has any power in itself - for the time, having it around can be my 'sign' to help me keep on track.) Dawn

Goals for 2008

Goals for 2008

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I resolve never to do anything which I should be afraid to do if I expected it would not be more than an hour before I should hear the last trump.

Johnathan Edwards

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1. Change-Become Consistent

a. Daily Bible Reading
b. Rely on God for everything. God is my reason for existence.
C. Weekly Bible Verse Memorization.
D. Daily Devotions
e. Daily Prayer Time-pray scripture.
f. Daily Post what I am Celebrating for the Day.

2. Marriage

g. Give it over to God and do not take it back.
h. Pray for Charles daily.
I. Service for my husband daily.
j. Keep my appearance up.
k. Pray for my marriage daily.
l. Let God do the work; keep my eyes on God and not the situations.
m. No pushing.
n. Speak words of praise, love encouragement daily.
o. Think before I talk, must become a way of life.

3. The Home

p. Taste
i. Good tasting food.
ii. Healthy food.
iii. No pushing or expecting family meal times.
iv. Family members eat only when hungry.
v. I do not need to eat 3 times a day.
vi. No packaged or processed foods.
q. Sight
i. Keep Clean.
ii. Do 15 min. a day in weekly area.
iii. Do 15 min. of maintenance cleaning daily.
r. Smell
i. Clean and fresh bathroom and carpets.
ii. air out house daily.
iii. Use frog and gas pills.
iv. fabreeze as needed.
s. Feel
i. Love
ii. Peace
iii. Discipline girls.
iv. train Girls
v. Praise
t. Sound
i. Laughter
ii. Praise
iii. Soft good music.
iv. Be appreciative
v. Well mannered, lady like.

4. Redeeming the Time

u. Weekly evaluate how I am spending my time.
v. Stay organized.
w. Use timer and keep to it.
x. Schedule things and keep to it.
y. Continue going to God for guidance on organization and what I should be or not be working on.

5. Become the mom God wants me to be.

z. School 5 days a week-Raven.
aa. Get the girls outside daily.
bb. read to the girls daily.
cc. Work on training the girls.
dd. Play with the girls daily.
ee. No nagging-just discipline.
ff. School 3 days a week - Cheyenne.

6. Lose Weight

gg. Eat only when hungry.
hh. Fast when eating gets out of control.
ii. Ask others to pray when eating is out of control.
jj. Water intake at 1/2 my body weight in water.
kk. Keep track of calorie, fiber, sodium and carb. intake.

ll. Exercise 30 min. a day.
mm. Watch portion control.

nn. Go to God for motivation.
oo. Weigh-in weekly, post.
pp. Do daily challenges.
qq. Take monthly measurements.
7. Journal

ss. Write in my spark journal daily-accountability.

8.House Work

tt. Daily Vacuum
uu. Morning routine, even on weekends.
vv. Evening routine, even on weekends.
ww. do dishes after each meal.
xx. Spend 15 min. a day deep cleaning the house.

9. Laundry

yy. Load a day.
zz. Ironing as needed.
aaa. Mending daily.

10. Hospitality

bbb. Do something hospitable weekly.
ccc. Raven and Cheyenne play date weekly.
ddd. Make a friendly phone call weekly.
eee. Visit someone weekly.

11.Computer Time

fff. I cannot be on the computer if I am not reaching my goals.
ggg. Recording time for journal, food, weigh in can only be done if have all my work done.
hhh. If I need something from the computer for school, do it and nothing else, then computer off.
iii. Computer cannot be on for more than 30 min. at a time. Even if I have all my work done, 30 min. accomplish something else than I can go back for another 30 min.

12. Craft Work

jjj. Spend some time daily.
kkk. Get one project finished a week/month.
lll. Teach the girls how to do things.

13.HomeSchooling

mmm. Prep. time for both girls.
nnn. Be sure to spend time working with Cheyenne.
ooo. Stick to the schedule.
ppp. Memorization weekly of scripture is a must.

New Year

Dear Master,
For this coming year,
Just one request I bring,
I do not pray for happiness
Or any earthly thing.
I do not ask to understand
The way thou leadest me;
But this I ask—
Teach me to do
The things that pleasest thee
I want to know thy guiding voice
To walk with thee each day.
Dear Master,
Make me swift to hear
And ready to obey;
And thus the year I now begin
A happy year will be,
If I am seeking just to do
The things that pleaseth thee.

Author unknown

Resolutions

It is the beginning of the year. Time to put my resolutions to ink, scratch that, to the cyber world.

• Read through the Bible Genesis to Revelations.

• Meet my neighbors. (This is a mental Goliath, we have live in this house 4+ years, I do not know any names of my neighbors.)

• Respecting my body as God's Holy Temple.
  
• Eating right
• Exercise
• Fresh air and sun shine, minimum of 15 min. a day. Running errands does not count.

• Regular play dates for the girls.

I am going to stop here. As these become habit then I can add others. The first one is the only one that does not scare me. I am all tense right now thinking of the things to do. Cannot I just stay at my computer, do I have to get out and socialize. Don't get me wrong I enjoy spending time with humans in person. I am just so scared that I will say or do something wrong. I remember Jr. High. I was on fire for God. I took my Bible to school with me, preached at kids, well, I turned people away or something. I was way to gun ho. That was 7th grade. A lot changed in 8th grade. Anyway, I get nervous then I ramble on about anything with or without a point. No delete/backspace button. A word spoken cannot be taken back. Ok, deep breath. God will get me through this, step by step. This is all part of the journey of becoming the Woman God has created me to be. Dawn