Why does one cry?

I do not know what makes you cry yet I can tell what makes me cry. Not tears because of joy -- I do not consider that crying just tears --a cry that takes your whole body.

• Sinning against God.
• Failing my loved ones.
  
• Knowing things will never change.
• Emotional pain, pain so deep my chest will ache and hurt to the point that it is hard to breath. A pain and a cry that drains me of all energy for days.

Hell/Earth/Heaven

So much is going though my head.

I think of a desire I had as a young child, well, even into my adult life. To witness and be apart of miracles. I am sure you have heard or read about the miracles missionaries encounter. (I also know not all missionaries encounter miracles) Oh, how as a child I believed only missionaries were close enough to God to know and witness miracles. Oh, how I wanted to be a missionary. As I got older I realized it was not because those people were missionaries but because of their walk with God. That is what I craved.

Lets not forget God will finish the good work He started in me. LOL So the trials come and finally I realize what God is doing. At least I think I know. He is leading me to that place of close relationship with Him. I must totally with out a doubt trust in Him. Wow! Has that saying changed meaning for me over the years. And oh, the pain I have gone through because of me wanting what I want. LOL Yes, I want my desired to be as God's desires. I have prayed that and prayed that over the years. Yet my selfishness and wanting to have things easy on earth, earthly rewards. LOL God has been so patient with me. Giving me so much time to make those changes with out the pain. But I did not make the necessary changes then I waited for the pain and then decided to make the change. What a backward life I tend to live.

The pain, the heart ache, how could hell be worse than things on earth. At times that is so hard for me to grasp. The hard times, trial, troubles, are all nothing in comparison to hell. And the opposite can be just as hard to grasp. I remember as a child I believed there would be no food in Heaven. Oh, there are just to many good foods on earth what could possible be better. LOL Satan is always at work. If a person believes that hell on earth is what hell is really like, well why live for God. And if a person believes that there is Heaven on earth why sacrifice for eternal Heaven.

Taking up my cross....

I have returned from a night walk. For those that do not know- I walk at night when I am very upset. A time to talk with God and walk out my frustrations. The longer the walk = the amount of time it takes for me to give in to God. LOL that sounds funny. Not that God is arguing, pleading, demanding or anything else like that. The amount of time it takes me to

do I have to say that word

Ok! Submit to God's will. There I said it. Yes, it is not an easy thing for me to do. Yet I do look forward to the day that I will submit with the 'hard' things before I have to take a walk. FYI my walk tonight was only about 1 mile. Short in comparison to the norm 4 miles.

Loneliness and rejection are two feeling I have know since, well, conception. Neither of my parents wanted me so I was put up for adoption. Yes, I can remember being 13 again and deciding that God was not for me, way to lonely, I wanted friends. My parents say I changed like night and day. And again I have been allowing my loneliness to guide my actions. All the time God is right there, He never left me. Oh, but I wanted man, you know some thing you can see and feel, not knowledge, not promises from a God that has never broken a promise. Writing that I realize how silly my desires really are. I want someone (human-who is not perfect) to be there for me. LOL All humans fail others at one time or another.

Have you ever seen the movie 'Passions of the Christ'? So vivid (yes, some incorrect truths and whats up with that satan?), what a memory in my brain. The turning point of my walk tonight was realizing Jesus went through the same things. I believe I am safe in saying it was worse what he went through. The rejection, denial of His closest and dearest followers, the ones He confided in. And on top of that He had to listen to the lies. He succeeded and He can and will get me through this. I have to allow Him to, I have to give up my desire-and allow Jesus to be the one comforting me, caring for me, loving me. Oh, remembering what He did for me how can I not want Him at my side. How could I not think that His love is not enough.

It is amazing how time and time again we deny Christ yet deceiving our selves that we are not.

Salvation!

If all a person has to do is say a 'magic prayer' to be saved than most of America will be in heaven. Take Billy Graham for example. How many thousands maybe millions of people have gone forward. If so many people are 'saved' how come our nation is so wicked, should not it be getting more holy? If so many people are truly saved how come the world is not saved.

So many people say things just to get others off of their back. Say things to impress others, say things to get what they want. Our actions speak louder than our words. Yes, works will never get one into Heaven. Works have never saved anyone nor will they ever save any one. It is our fruit in our lives that speak as to whom we serve. We cannot serve two masters. If one does not want to change, how can one enter into Eternal Life with Jesus. Does not scripture tell us that if we deny Christ we will be denied by God. How can a person say I am a born again Christian yet all of their acts are serving satan?

To many people just say the prayer, now I am saved and do not have to change. If that is all that needed to be (not saying works needed to be added, but a true heart commitment, a true belief in Jesus) the world would be saved. Scripture does not say, say this prayer and you will be saved. There is so much meaning in the words 'believe in'. Thinking about John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotton Son that whosoever believeth in His should not perish but have everlasting life." What is the true meaning of "Believeth in"? Is it just a saying, is it just confession of the mouth, is it actions, is it a change? Are not new creatures different?

Are you beginning to see how 'churches' today are giving a false sense of Salvation. That 'prayer' is like a band aide. No more to it. It is not works that needs to be to it, but a true desire and a true belief in Jesus. And our actions/fruit tell if we truly believe. Sensere not just empty words.

There are times that a person does not even know their own heart.