Taking up my cross....

I have returned from a night walk. For those that do not know- I walk at night when I am very upset. A time to talk with God and walk out my frustrations. The longer the walk = the amount of time it takes for me to give in to God. LOL that sounds funny. Not that God is arguing, pleading, demanding or anything else like that. The amount of time it takes me to

do I have to say that word

Ok! Submit to God's will. There I said it. Yes, it is not an easy thing for me to do. Yet I do look forward to the day that I will submit with the 'hard' things before I have to take a walk. FYI my walk tonight was only about 1 mile. Short in comparison to the norm 4 miles.

Loneliness and rejection are two feeling I have know since, well, conception. Neither of my parents wanted me so I was put up for adoption. Yes, I can remember being 13 again and deciding that God was not for me, way to lonely, I wanted friends. My parents say I changed like night and day. And again I have been allowing my loneliness to guide my actions. All the time God is right there, He never left me. Oh, but I wanted man, you know some thing you can see and feel, not knowledge, not promises from a God that has never broken a promise. Writing that I realize how silly my desires really are. I want someone (human-who is not perfect) to be there for me. LOL All humans fail others at one time or another.

Have you ever seen the movie 'Passions of the Christ'? So vivid (yes, some incorrect truths and whats up with that satan?), what a memory in my brain. The turning point of my walk tonight was realizing Jesus went through the same things. I believe I am safe in saying it was worse what he went through. The rejection, denial of His closest and dearest followers, the ones He confided in. And on top of that He had to listen to the lies. He succeeded and He can and will get me through this. I have to allow Him to, I have to give up my desire-and allow Jesus to be the one comforting me, caring for me, loving me. Oh, remembering what He did for me how can I not want Him at my side. How could I not think that His love is not enough.

It is amazing how time and time again we deny Christ yet deceiving our selves that we are not.

Team work!

A few weeks a home school mom got me to thinking about team work. She wanted her children involved in team sports so they could learn team work. My reply was that we teach team work at home and it follows through with the other areas of our lives. I felt happy about my response; the parent is responsible to teach a child team work.

Yet, something pricked my heart that there was something missing. So, I kept my eyes and ears open. Today in society there is a big push for 'team work'. It takes a village to raise a child, how to make a company work, sports, marriage 50/50, compromising, working together and etc. It all sounds nice and good. Basic godly principles. Helping each other, self sacrifice for the good of the whole. Yeah, that is biblical isn't it?

Then in my daily scripture reading I came to The Tower of Babel. Wow! Now isn't that team work, isn't that the way of the world. Isn't that the emphasis of today's generation. And God said NO! wrong. Cannot have this. So he confused their languages and the parted to all parts of the world.

Now I was really confused. Why would God not want us to work together? Are we not all one body in Christ? So I spent some time in prayer and waiting on the Lord. And one scripture in particular stood out, Colossians 3:23 " And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;"

Ah, with the Tower of Babel they were not doing it unto God, it was for self. Oh, yes things started to fall into place. Our focus has to be on God and God only. When our total focus is on God we will do the right. It may appear at times we are 'team working' but in actuality we are focusing on God not each other. Then the outcome will not have to be 'confused' by God. It will be to God's glory. Dawn

Am I a Deborah?

Women in leadership. That is a mouth full. Before I go on I would like you to realized this subject has been in my thoughts since a child. The year I was born my aunt went to be a missionary and now teaches at a seminary. My MIL was an evangelist, married my FIL knowing he was against it and she has been battling him on wanting her own ministry again.

I believe that most women today what(and that word is the key word-want) to be Deborah. They forget why woman was created. Genesis 2:18 "And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him."

Our first position as a woman is to the man. I believe women of today do not want to take the Bible as a whole for context. They just want to pick one or two scriptures and build upon that.

At the time of Deborah people were very wicked. As a woman I really would not want credit for winning the battle because the male leader did not have faith. Judges 4:8-9. I just think of Barak as a wimp, has to have a woman escort him. What does that show for the condition of the nation. So, women want to use that as their excuse for leading. And so many husbands just sit back and let it go. Why is that?

Is not it more admirable to wait on the Lord, stand back out of the light and let God work in the lives of the 'men' who do not take leadership. Is not God a jealous God? Does not he want credit for himself? When women step up to the plate and do not wait upon the Lord, they really are telling God 'you are taking to long', or 'you don't know what is best'. Oh, how our impatience comes out in full.

This is a cycle I see happening in families. For what ever reason a husband has to be gone from the home.The man delegates authority to the wife for while he is gone. Then the husband comes home expecting to be king of his castle again. But the woman has had a taste of power-authority. Not thinking, she keeps going just as if he was gone, she is used to the new routine. What will the husband do with this conflict take back what is rightfully his or give in for peace? Men have willingly given up authority for generations and women have willingly taken it. Now we are to the point of so much has changed, from the way God created it to be, no one can remember the way it should be.

God gave us the chain of command: God--husband-wife. When we over step there are complications (a question is For how many generations?). Yes, God is the maker of good from bad. And I believe that is just what God did with Deborah. She followed God's leading. So how is God leading me? Dawn